Sesekali, Coba Nilai Diri Sendiri dari Kacamata Orang Lain

Belum lama ini, diam-diam gue sibuk ‘menilai’ kehidupan beberapa orang di sekitar gue. Meski hanya berdasarkan pengetahuan terbatas gue tentang mereka, entah kenapa, gue bisa dengan jelas melihat bahwa mereka sedang melakukan kesalahan besar dalam hidup mereka. Memang belum pasti benar terjadi, tapi gue benar-benar yakin bahwa mereka hanya sedang pelan-pelan merusak masa depan mereka sendiri, baik itu dalam hal karier atau kehidupan pribadi.

Tidak lama kemudian, gantian gue yang berada dalam posisi sebaliknya. Beberapa orang menilai gue hanya sedang mengulang satu kesalahan yang sama. Gue berkeras bahwa mereka hanya berburuk sangka dan bahwa kali ini, keadaannya akan berbeda. Lalu apa yang terjadi? Orang-orang itu memang benar, gue hanya sedang melakukan kesalahan yang sama. 

Saat itulah gue menyadari… pemikiran keluarga dan saudara gue itu sebetulnya sangat-sangat sederhana. Tidak sulit untuk gue memahami sudut pandang mereka. What they said has really made a perfect sense. Tapi kenapa gue tetap berkeras dengan pendapat gue sendiri? Bisa macam-macam alasannya; beda orang bisa punya alasan yang berbeda. Tapi dalam kasus gue ini, satu-satunya hal yang seolah membutakan gue justru tidak lain harapan yang masih tersisa dalam hati gue ini.

Ada orang yang bertahan dengan pilihan mereka karena harapan, karena rasa takut, rasa cinta, dan hal-hal lain yang justru tampak salah di mata orang lain. Gue bukan tipe orang yang selalu mendengar semua perkataan orang lain, tapi kali ini gue menyadari, ada kalanya, tidak ada yang salah dari menilai diri kita, dan keputusan-keputusan yang kita buat, dari kacamata orang lain. Jika bertahan dengan keputusan yang gue  ambil tidak kunjung mendatangkan hasil yang positif, maka sudah waktunya untuk gue menilai kembali keputusan gue itu. Dan dalam hal ini, sudut pandang orang yang gue percaya bisa jadi salah satu masukan.

Kenapa?

Karena pendapat orang lain, terutama mereka yang sangat mengenal kita dengan baik, tidak tercampur aduk dengan perasaan pribadi. Mereka bisa melihat dengan lebih jernih, dengan sudut pandang yang lebih bijaksana dari diri kita sendiri. Gue harus ingat bahwa bisa jadi, terlalu lama tenggelam dalam kekeraskepalaan hanya akan membuat gue semakin jauh dari masa depan yang lebih baik untuk diri gue sendiri. 

Life is too short to be reckless. Be wise and make the most of our own life. 

Friendship Is…

Lately, I’ve been learning a lot of new definitons of friendship for life. It’s easy to have a friend to hang out with, but it’s never easy  to build a friendship to share our life with. That’s the only reason why the older you are, the less bestfriends you will have around.

Why do I say building a friendship is tough? 

Because friendship is accepting your friends’ imperfections and forgiving all their mistakes.

Friendship is being there for them even when you don’t feel like having anyone around.

Friendship is listening to the same stories over and over, about the people that perhaps you don’t know, and the topics that you’re not keen on.

Friendship is having each other’s back even when we feel that we disagree. 

Friendship is swallowing our desire to envy, to revenge, and to do all the bad things that we can think of.

And friendship is sticking up together even when we hate each other. 

Now… do you still think it’s easy to build?

It’s hard, that’s why it’s being said that friendship is actually a gift from us to ourselves. When we can push ourselves to be a decent friend to someone else, then we will also get a decent friend  for ourselves as a return.

It may take only months, but most of the times, you may need quite some years just to realize who your true best friends really are.

After so many ups and downs, I’m still believing that best friends forever is not a myth. I’m so glad and I’m so grateful that all these years, I trully know that I’m already on a right way.

Let’s Vote and Keep Indonesia United!

Pilkada Jakarta tahun ini, sesuai prediksi, udah jadi lebih menghebohkan daripada Pilpres Indonesia terakhir. “Kampanye” di mana-mana, permusuhan di mana-mana, saling menghina dan saling menyudutkan tanpa pandang bulu, belum lagi media massa plus hoax provokatif berebaran hampir tiap jam tiap harinya. Bukan cuma menghebohkan Jakarta, tapi sampai ke hampir semua kota lainnya di Indonesia!

Akibatnya? 

Putus tali silaturahmi. Nggak lagi saling tegur sapa. Atau yang sepele, unfriend di social media. Social media seolah berubah mejadi “the war zone”. Tentu tidak ada yang salah dari berbagi berita.. tapi seringkali, caption yang menyertai bisa terasa lebih panas membara daripada isi berita yang biasanya sudah cukup provokatif itu.

Bener deh. Gue pribadi tidak mengerti kenapa mesti sampai sebegitunya

Membela sesuatu yang kita yakini kebenarannya tidak mesti diiringi dengan balas menyerang kubu seberang. Balas menghina hanya akan membuat kita turun ke level yang sama dengan orang lebih dulu menghina pilihan kita itu.

Setidaknya buat gue, sangat tidak worth it kehilangan teman, sahabat, kolega, apalagi anggota keluarga hanya karena berbeda pilihan.

Kalo gue enggak mau berhubungan dengan pendukung no. 3, gue akan kehilangan banyak banget keluarga besar yang menemani gue puluhan tahun lamanya. 

Kalo gue enggak mau berteman dengan pendukung no. 2, gue akan kehilangan beberapa sahabat yang udah terbukti selalu siap membantu dalam masa-masa sulit gue.

Dan kalo gue enggak mau berteman dengan pendukung no. 1, gue akan kehilangan beberapa mantan rekan kerja yang pernah berkontribusi dalam membangun karier gue dulu.

Siapapun paslon yang kita dukung, bagaimanapun, tetap bukan mereka yang kelak akan mengulurkan tangan saat kita membutuhkan bantuan. Bukan mereka yang sudah menemani perjalanan hidup kita belasan atau puluhan tahun lamanya. Boleh mendukung, ikut berkampanye, tapi jangan berlebihan. Dan sekali lagi, boleh saja membela pilihan kita masing-masing, tapi tidak usah balas menghina apalagi dengan sesuatu yang belum terbukti kebenarannya. 

Don’t make all those provocators dancing on the chaos they make. Let’s vote and keep Indonesia united!

Families Come First

img_1573-1I used to think that I was not so much of family person. I was very into my career (and I still am!), my hobbies, and all the things to do with everything this life has to offer. But then at some point,  as many things happened, many people left and moved on with their very own life, I started to realize that at least, I’ll always have my families to come home.

Everytime I make mistakes, my families always find a way to forgive me.

Everytime I’m sick, my families will be the ones taking care of me.

Everytime I’m hurt, my families will always be on my corner no matter what.

Everytime I’m defeated, my families are there to support my back.

And everytime I’m winning, my families are genuinely celebrating my victories with me.

The real families won’t break my heart just because they envy me. They make time for me. They don’t walk away when things between us got ugly. When things are broken, we fix them together, we don’t throw them all away as if they meant nothing to each and everyone of us. We did fall apart, but we stick together, because what we chase is being a family; the real one, until our very last breath.

At this point, I’ve started believing that we should really find a life partner who has a very strong bond with their own families. Staying close to families for decades is never an easy thing. We make mistakes and we make it up to each other, over and over again. If they manage to do that with their families, then most likely, when someday we are a part of their future families as their husband or wife, they will also be able to commit with us as a lifetime partner.

Put your families first, because at the end of the day, they are the only ones who will always wait for you to come back home.

When a Man’s Hero Instinct Goes Wrong

Spoiler alert! This post will tell you a little bit about the newest episodes of The Royals TV series.

I’m really upset with the last two episodes of The Royals season 3. Jasper; my favorite hot bodyguard in this TV show, decided to leave the princess just because of a threat from his own father all together with his insecurities of dating a royal. He did it to protect his girlfriend, for princess’ sake he said, but still, I would never decide to take that way if I were him.

I know that it’s just a drama, but I can totally relate to that kind of situation in the real life. Not that I’m a princess dating a bodyguard, it’s more about a man’s hero instinct that can go into a very wrong direction sometimes. And yes, this writing has something to do with my earlier post. You may want to read that one blog of mine before continuing to read this post.

Sometimes, men say that we deserve someone better. They say that they don’t deserve us. They say that what they do are for our own good. But the way we see it (at least, this is the way I see it), what they do is completely wrong.

Some men have to learn to believe that when we say we love you, we mean it with all our heart. And when we say that we love you, it also means that we can sincerely accept you just the way you are. You and every flaw that you have in you. So if you think that walking away from our lives is actually for our own good, well the truth is, it will only break our heart and leave us wondering what we did so wrong that you took off from us.

At this point, do you still think that what you did to us was a heroic decision?

When I really love somebody, lots and lots of bumpy roads with him is a lot better than one smooth ride without him by my side. Fighting this life with him side by side will take the same amount of efforts for me to move on and heal my heartbreak anyway. Yet somehow, many guys I met back in the past just couldn’t seem to get that. Initially I thought it was just me, but when I saw the same things also happen to some other girls, I started to question, “What’s wrong with (many) guys nowadays?”

Please no offense, guys. Any thoughts? Let me know!

When My Life’s Knocking Me Down

It’s been just one month, but 2017 has been surprisingly tough to me. Right when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, well it even went farther than I could ever imagine. I could cry, I could blame and hate myself, but I refuse to do all that.

I prefer to have a new hair cut and well-shaped brows. I get my nails done. I take out my old favorite handbag and go to work in style (even if it’s Saturday and I barely see anybody in the office). I watch my favorite TV shows, sing my favorite songs, I eat all that delicious foods (and I finally gain more weights, thank God!), I laugh and I surround myself with the people who bring out the very best in me.

I’ve went so far in my life and I’m not going to stop now. Life is too short to live in misery, and the hard times is the only time that I can prove myself that I am as good as I said I was. I’m not a little girl anymore, I can’t cry and run hugging my Mom everytime I stumble and fall. I won’t try to find an escape from my problems, I’ll be right here, in my place, to keep fighting and winning my war.

And did you know what I learned from all these recent events? I learned that having problems doesn’t necesserily mean that I can only mourn all the day and night! Having problems should never stop me from having fun. Not only it distracts me from all the chaos in my head, but also it helps me to be calm, think straight, and stay wise. It has really made the burdens feel even lighter on my shoulders!

Life as a grown up will never ever be the same as our life as a teenager, let alone a little child. No matter how good you are, how hard you have tried, s*** will still happen anyway. And no matter how kind and nice person that you are, some people will also still throw some kind of s*** right in your face.

Finally, what I’m excited right now is knowing that I will have a rainbow after all these storms. At some point, things will go back on track and I will be one step ahead as a better person by then. And one more thing, I know that after all of this pass, I’m going to have one more “success story” to tell and to be proud of.

Happy weekend and have a great one!

Guys, You Look Super Hot When You Do All These

Maybe it’s just me, but this is my blog, my thought, and I think… men are super hot when they are doing all the things I write below 😉

Messy hair and a bit cranky

Some guys I know tend to have a messy hair when their days are going rough. I don’t know why but it looks very attractive to me. They look so serious, a bit cranky, and it only makes them even hotter! 

Driving a car

It’s not about a man having a car, it’s merely the way he looks when he’s driving. When I fall for someone who can drive, it really makes them look hot in my eyes. Just don’t ruin my fantasy by swearing to other drivers though. It’s not cool at all, hehehe.

Takes pictures of me patiently and smiles behind his lens

I love photoshoot. Like really really love it! And if I happen to meet someone who knows how to take a good picture of me, oh well, it really makes me feel so lucky! Nothing is more beautiful than seeing him smiling behind his lens when he’s taking a picture of me. 

Knows how to fix my IT problems

I have to admit… I have certain feelings with a programmer or anyone who can help me with my computer problems. It never ceases to awe me how his IT skill can make my life so easier. Seeing my crush very focus with his computer works can really make me fall deeper for him! It makes him look smart and cool!

Looks at me so deeply and he doesn’t look away when I catch him staring at me

It’s a man up to me if he’s bold enough to let me know that he is looking at me at that moment. I always enjoy the warmth I see in his eyes. It’s the best way for me to learn how much he cares about me.

Dare to tell me what I did wrong and how to fix this

Believe it or not, there are not much of people giving me advices on what I should do with my life. It’s not that I need the advice, but a brave man who can do that wisely is very hard to find. A real man tells me what he has in mind, he knows that he doesn’t have to always agree with everything I say and do. That way, he helps me to be a better person, doesn’t he?

He can do what I can’t do and he does something about it

I’m not that kind of girl who often asks someone else’s help. If I can do it myself, I’ll do it myself. Even when I don’t know how to do it, I’ll try to figure it out myself before I ask for some helps. But still… having someone who can crack my problems without being asked can be very helpful! It will instantly make him look like a hero to me.

Help me with the little things

Having said I love it when he helps me with the things I can’t handle myself, I also love it when he takes care of me in the little things in life. Take me something to eat, help me with heavy stuffs, drive me home in the middle of the night… Well, a woman is just a woman regardless how independent she is!

Listens to me carefully and remembers every single story correctly

I’ve come to learn that a man is basically not a good listener, except when he falls for someone. I really love to know that he listened carefully all the stories I used to tell. It makes me feel like he is a perfect match to me!

He’s fighting so hard just to be with me

Many years ago, I let go of someone like this out of my life. If you ask me one biggest mistake I ever did, this must be my number one answer. I used to think that I would still find someone like him, but I’ve started to worry that I was wrong. Nothing is more manly than a man who is willing to do the extra miles just to be with me. Deep in my heart, I still hope that someone, the right one, will come along.

5 Only Things that Matter to Me

I read somewhere in my social media about 5 important matters in a grown up’s life. I read it and I could really connect to every single word in it. I forgot where I exactly I read the quote but I still remember what I want to write and share in this blog. 

Here we go… five things that matter to me in every relationship I have as a grown up!

Integrity

I’m no longer in the mood of having a relationship where I have to doubt every single sentence they say to me. I need to believe that everything they say is true. I need to believe that the relationship is true. No hidden agenda, no lies, not a fake relationship to begin with.

Consistency

I just think that I’m too old to change my mind back and forth like a teenager and I don’t expect such thing in every relationship I have. We should know where we stand, what we want, and where we’re heading to. 

Stability

There will always be the ups and downs in every relationship, but, a grown up is not supposed to have a relationship where somebody stormed out and took off just like none of it mattered to them. People on my age already have too much of people leaving, all that we need are simply the people who are willing to stay.

Loyalty

It’s always comforting to have someone who’s always there in my corner. Having my back. Support me and endorse me even when they disagree. On top of all that, they are the ones who will stick with me even when things between us are not always pretty. It’s a kind of relationship we need to make us feel anything but lonely.

Honesty

A true relationship is built on honesty. I respect and I cherish the people who are bold enough to tell me the truth. The ones who tell me what they have in their minds. The ones who do not mind to be real, to be vulnerable around me. The way I see it, it’s a sign of the highest level of a comforting relationship. It’s the one that can last for a lifetime.

My Upcoming 2017 Trip

Belum sampai sebulan pertama di tahun 2017, gue udah beli semua tiket pesawat untuk trip gue sepanjang tahun 2017 ini. Ke mana saja? Check this out!

Bangkok-Pattaya

Emang sih, gue udah pernah beberapa kali pergi ke Thailand sebelumnya, tapi kali ini, gue perginya bareng sama kedua ortu gue. Selain itu kebetulan, ada lumayan banyak tempat di itinerary mereka yang belum pernah gue datangi sebelumnya. Pattaya, Hua Hin, dan Santorini Park! Tipe tur santai secara udah ada travel agent yang mengatur semuanya!

Lombok

Dulu banget, gue pernah diajak berlibur ke Lombok sama keluarganya tante gue, tapi saking lamanya, gue benar-benar sudah lupa apa saja yang gue lihat dan tempat apa saja yang dulu gue kunjungi selama berlibur di Lombok. Jadi ya sudah, saat si Mami bilang kepengen banget pergi liburan ke Lombok, jadilah gue ajak Papi-Mami berlibur ke Lombok! Kali ini barengan sama Arfa (si ponakan kesayangan!) ditambah satu sepupu cewek gue. Can’t wait to see you, Gili and Rinjani!

Bali

Yang satu ini, gue pergi bareng teman-teman SMA. Kita dapat tiket promo seharga 700.000 saja! Kangen banget sama Ubud, terutama sama magical spa-nya! Spa di atas rumah pohon yang menghadap ke hamparan sawah dan sungai di bawah sana, semilir angin, suara burung, dan udara yang sejuk… What can be better than that? Selain faktor kangen Ubud, gue juga excited karena akan jalan bareng lagi sama teman-teman kesayangan di SMA dulu! We’re gonna have a lot of fun!

Prancis

Kalo kata Dalai Lama, kunjungi satu tempat baru setidaknya satu kali dalam setahun. Nah, untuk tahun ini, gue memilih Prancis untuk big trip of the year! Secara ini masih akan jadi kunjungan pertama gue, objek wisatanya tentu tidak jauh dari Paris dan sekitarnya. Di luar itu, gue juga kepingin pergi sampai ke Colmar dan juga Provence. Untuk yang satu ini, gue masih cari teman jalan (ya, gue nekad beli tiket pesawat walau masih sendirian saja, hehehehe). Tertarik? Leave a comment and I’ll reach you out!

2017 is going to be awesome!

Should We Get Rid of Everything About Our Ex?

Saat transfer musik dari iTunes ke hp baru, gue menemukan beberapa lagu yang pernah gue beli tapi sudah tidak lagi masuk ke dalam playlist hanya karena dulunya, lagu itu lagu kesukaan cowok yang pernah gue suka. Lagu yang kemudian gue singkirkan dari playlist hanya supaya bisa cepat move on, supaya enggak lagi teringat dia saat mendengar lagunya dimainkan.

Iseng-iseng, gue mainkan salah satu lagu kesukaan si mantan gebetan di hp baru gue itu. Gue suka lagu yang satu itu bukan semata-mata karena dia dulu juga suka! Awalnya, gue emang hanya penasaran, tapi tetap hanya lagu yang gue suka yang kemudian gue beli dan download! Dan, jika memang gue betulan suka, kenapa harus tetap gue sembunyikan? 

Hal ini mengingatkan gue dengan hal-hal yang gue pelajari dari mantan pacar atau gebetan lainnya. Hal-hal yang tetap gue pertahankan sampai detik ini. Mulai dari hal sepele seperti musik, fim, dan makanan kesukaan, sampai hal-hal besar seperti pola pikir dan life principles. Ada pula hal-hal yang gue pelajari dari hobi mereka seperti tehnik fotografi atau bahkan hal-hal yang berbau komputer dan otomotif! Hal-hal kecil yang membuat hidup gue jadi lebih kaya dan beragam (dengan mencoba hal-hal baru yang ternyata gue juga suka!) dan hal-hal besar yang membuat gue jadi a better person.

Think about it… What’s wrong from all that?

Terlepas bagaimana ending-nya, dulu pastilah ada alasannya kenapa gue bisa suka sama mereka. Hal-hal yang gue kagumi dari mereka, yang membuat gue tertarik untuk menyelami dunia mereka saat itu, atau membuat gue ingin belajar sesuatu dari pola pikir dan sudut pandang mereka. Padahal gue bukan tipe orang yang suka ikut-ikutan, jadi kalau sampai ada orang yang bisa memberikan influence sampai sebegitunya, itu artinya, pastilah ada sesuatu dalam diri mereka yang gue anggap sangat valuable. Buat gue,  itu bukti nyata bahwa gue bukan tipe orang yang ganpang jatuh cinta dengan sembarang orang!

Banyak orang yang berpendapat bahwa suatu hubungan tidak seharusnya mengubah seseorang. Kalau menurut gue, tidak ada yang salah dari perubahan selama hal itu sifatnya positif dan membuat keduanya menjadi lebih baik dari sebelumnya. Suatu pelajaran yang memperkaya hidup kita, yang tidak semerta-merta harus kita tinggalkan hanya karena kisahnya sudah selesai. 

Embrace all the things you learned from your ex, because once in your lifetime, it was everything that made your life your kind of fairytale.