A journey to remember

Archive for the ‘Love Story’ Category

Apapun agamanya, gue cukup sering mendengar cewek yang bilang mereka menyerahkan keputusan yang terbaik soal cowok yang mereka sukai di tangan Tuhan. Jika baik mohon didekatkan, jika tidak baik mohon dijauhkan.

Sounds familiar?

Nah masalahnya sekarang, apakah benar kita sudah sepenuhnya mengikhlaskan pilihan kita itu di tangan Tuhan? Isi doanya memang menyiratkan demikian, tapi sikap dan tingkah laku kita masih saja menunjukkan yang sebaliknya. Kita masih saja berkeras bahwa sebetulnya, hanya “si dia” yang kita inginkan.

Contohnya, kita diam-diam masih sibuk mencari cara untuk berkomunikasi dengan dia. Kita sibuk cari topik yang tidak kelihatan “niat banget”. Ada pula yang sampai sengaja pergi ke tempat di mana si dia biasa hang out hanya supaya kelihatan “tidak sengaja ketemu dia di sana”. Jika masih dipaksakan seperti itu, betulkah kita ini ikhlas menyerahkan yang terbaik di tangan Tuhan?

Contoh lain yang sebetulnya terlihat sepele; kita masih aktif mengecek socmed si dia. Sebetulnya nggak papa sih sesekali stalking, menahan rasa penasaran justru bisa bikin makin kepikiran sehingga akhirnya malah makin susah move on. Tapi jika hal-hal yang lebih penting sampai terbengkalai hanya karena stalking, maka upaya kita itu jatuhnya sudah tidak sehat. Apalagi biasanya, stalking tidak berhenti sampai sekedar lihat-lihat saja. Dia pergi dengan lawan jenis lain? Langsung sibuk Google siapa orang yang pergi sama dia itu… Nah, kalau sudah begini, apakah masih terlihat seperti kita menyerahkan keputusan yang terbaik di tangan Tuhan?

Memang betul, berdoa dan berusaha harus dijalankan dalam waktu yang bersamaan. Tapi sebelumnya, harus dilihat konteksnya dulu! Biasanya, jika kita sampai mengucap doa yang gue kutip di atas, keadaannya kurang-lebih seperti ini:

  1. Kita ragu dengan perasaan dia;
  2. Kita ragu apakah akan ada masa depan antara kita dan dia; dan
  3. Kita sudah mulai melihat tanda-tanda patah hati atau bahkan sudah mulai mengalaminya.

Jika kita sampai mengalami 3 hal di atas, kemungkinannya, kita cuma sedang bertepuk sebelah tangan. Bisa jadi dia memang suka, tapi tidak serius. Tidak sampai tahap di mana dia ingin menghabiskan hidupnya bersama dengan kita. Jika sudah demikian, masih pantaskah untuk kita berusaha keras mendapatkan mereka?

Cowok kalau benar-benar suka, mereka akan berusaha untuk mewujudkannya. Kita sebagai perempuan harus camkan pemahaman yang satu itu! Jangan membuang waktu terlalu lama untuk cowok yang hanya membuat kita merasa “tidak diinginkan”. Atau cowok yang membuat kita merasa tidak cukup ok untuk dia. Jika si dia tidak menunjukkan perubahan, maka itulah jawaban Tuhan atas doa-doa yang kita panjatkan: dia bukanlah yang terbaik untuk hidup kita ini. Cukup ikhlaskan, dan jangan dipaksakan!

If he doesn’t love you enough to fight for your presence in his life, then love yourself enough to walk away and moving on.

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Every relationship is oftentimes beautiful in the beginning but then it turns disappointing along the way. And here’s why.

In the beginning, you might love them for believing in you and bringing out the very best in you. You feel motivated, delighted, until someday that very same person started to feel differently. Life happened and it upset them. They were pissed, and it made you feel bad of yourself. You felt like they no longer had any faith in you. You were disappointed knowing that you might have failed the persons who believed in you.

In other case, you might fall for them for their kindness. You admired them for so many good reasons they had in them. In the beginning, they never ceased to wow you over and over. At the end of the day, they were only a human with tons of downsides. You started to realize that they were not as perfect as you thought they were. And then it hurt you; your very own expectations on them ended up disappointing yourself.

Or maybe in the beginning, you chose them because they were always there for you, for better or worse. They made you feel you were not alone. But then life got rough and they struggled to survive on their own. They were no longer available for you, they needed their times alone, and it made you feel like you were left behind. You were disappointed that you had to feel alone all over again.

And finally, most of the times, you fell for the people who completed you. They helped you, they took care of you in a way no else would. You found your comfort place until at some point, your dependance on them burdened their shoulders. They started to burn out and they seemed distant from you. They were right there with you but it just never felt the same again.

What is actually the problem here? The real problem behind our disappointment is actually the expectation that we unconsciously keep back in our mind. We expect all the good things between us and them will never change. We are not prepared to see the worst shapes of them nor to experience the bumpy road ahead of you. We overvalue and we create an illusion of one perfect person to be loved. When we fall in love, we tend to forget that they’re only one ordinary human with their own flaws, failures, and life problems. We want fairy tale despite the fact that we actually live in one harsh imperfect life.

Relationship is a lifetime effort. It will never ever be perfect, but if you choose the right person to make all those great efforts to get through all barriers in life, then at least, it’s going to be worth it.

Notes to men; here’s what’s going to happen after you let a girl go.

She will spend some times mourning, feeling sorry for herself, and she will spend more times wondering if there is still hope, even if it’s just a little hope. She will also be wondering what she did so wrong and if there is anything she can do to make it up to you. She may be crying over you, knowing that things will just never be the same again.

But then she’ll move on. She’ll start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. She’ll eventually have a new hope of a better future, even without you in it anymore.

She will miss you, sometimes. There will be times she checks your feed just to see your face again, or just to hear your life stories through your captions and tweets. She may also reopen her old chat with you and smile alone; a bitter smile, knowing that what’s gone is gone.

Life goes on and so does she. She’ll start a new life, meet new people, get herself busy with all the things that make her want to wake up and jump off the bed every morning in her life. Until someday, sooner or later, she starts to fall in love again.

Someday, you won’t matter to her anymore. She will forget the last time she checks your feed. She will tell her friends her love stories with you and she will laugh over it. She’ll cherish her memory about you and she let it go. She keeps you and all stories about you as a part of her past, she moves forward, and she’ll never look back.

She’ll learn that what doesn’t kill her makes her stronger is true… Losing you will make her stronger than she was before. She’ll embrace the one who stays for her, and she’ll be thankful for every smile and laughter she has on her face after all the tears she shed for you.

She won’t be there waiting for you for the rest of her life. She loves herself enough to let someone who doesn’t love her enough go out of her life. She knows she deserves better, and she believes in finding her right man, someday, somewhere in her future. She may still remember you, but it will never ever be the same again.

I can’t stay forever mad with the people I used to care about. It can take a year, or maybe, it can take a decade, but I will eventually forgive them for what went wrong back in the past. Be it in personal or work relationship, no matter how bad it was, somehow I always found my way to have them back in my life. It might not be as close as we once were, but at least, they are not my forever enemy.

Why would I want to do that? Because they used to mean a lot to me and whatever they did wrong could never change the good memories that we used to have.

For starter, at some point, I always manage to be friends with my ex crush. Yes, they broke my heart, but in most cases, I used to broke their hearts too. It’s actually my loss if I decided to get rid of the beautiful memories I used to share with them. I would never forget the way they made me smile, the butterflies in my belly, and all the little things they did to comfort me, and most importantly, to make me feel loved. Once I fall in love with somebody, they will be forever mean something to me. I may never feel the same way again, but they will never be a stranger and I will always have a tiny place for them inside my heart. Once in my lifetime, they were my fairy tale, and they will always be my favorite stories to tell to my grandkids.

I will also stop hating the bosses who made me want to leave the companies I used to work at (I’m not saying I hate all my former bosses though). Back to the times I worked with them, each and everyone of them had contribution to my career development. They challenged me, they gave me opportunities I was unsure if I was capable of, and of course, they rewarded me even more than I thought I deserved sometimes. I am not who I am without my former bosses, and I’m thankful for that.

And finally, sooner or later, I will forgive ex best friends who betrayed me. I used to hope I could grow old with them, as people always say; best friends forever. Seeing my hopes were torn apart couldn’t be more heartbreaking to me. I’m already used to have envy people trying to ruin my happiness, but I never expect to watch my best friends doing the same thing to me. But still, there were some reasons why I called them my best friends. They helped me in the lowest points of my life, they woke up in the middle of the nights just to hear about my bad days, they were once the people I chose to be my family.

I’ve come to learn that my Mr. Wrongs were actually learning to become a Mr. Right (even if it’s most likely for someone else but me). They had to make those mistakes so that they knew what they should do to become a better man.

My horrible bosses were not pure evils or whatsoever. The crazy pressures they had were just beyond their capacities as human back then. If they are good enough, someday they’ll come around and they’ll eventually learn how to become a better leader for their teams.

Finally my former best friends… from all people in this world, I know better how kind and how good they actually could become. Hard times in life changed them, yet whatever their pain and struggle was, I sincerely hope they will soon find a light at the end of the tunnel. And if they will ever find themselves guilty, more important than my forgiveness to them is actually their forgiveness to themselves. That way, they will learn how to stay kind even when this life gets rough.

Again, this total forgiveness may take ages for me to get there. It’s not the forgiveness itself that is hard to be done; it’s to forget the way they once made me feel. Not to mention how hard it is to heal a broken trust. It’s definitely not easy, but doable.

Everyone makes mistakes, and so do I. And at the same time, everyone needs time to heal, and so do I.

Did you know? Real love is tough. It’s not always pretty. It even looks ugly, sometimes. It doesn’t always please you, it doesn’t always make you feel completely happy, it’s a bumpy road, it’s definitely not as easy as a fairy tale.

Someone who loves you, cares about you, will tell you the truth. An ugly truth, perhaps. It’s not because they don’t love you anymore, it’s just because they want what’s best for you and your life. And when they truly care about you, they tell that truth right in front of you. They won’t backstab you, they will always be bold enough to be honest with you.

Someone who cares about you will not make everything always easy for you. They want you to earn it. They don’t want to spoil you the whole times because they don’t want you to be irresponsible with your own life. They want you to grow up as a person inside.

Someone who sincerely loves you will never give up on you. They will do everything in their power to keep you in their life, and it includes all the fights that have made you feel uncomfortable with the relationship itself. If they just let it fall apart, it simply means they just don’t want to waste their precious times on you.

This theory is one theory that I believe is always right. Be it romantic relationship, friendship, and families. If they care about you, they will take a risk to tell you the truth, and they will take an extra miles just to help you to become a better person than you were yesterday.

Again I tell you here, if your lover never pisses you off, most likely, you haven’t dated them long enough. If your friends only tell all the right things that make you happy, you guys aren’t close enough. And if your parents have stopped lecturing you, then most likely, they have finally given up on you.

Believe me, real love is tough. Nobody is perfect and neither are you, and the people who love you the most are the people who will tell you your imperfections a lot more often than everyone else. If you keep hating them for telling you the truth, you are preventing yourself from being loved. What’s even worse, you’re preventing yourself from being a lovable person who gets better from times to times.

Find someone who is bold enough, who cares enough, to tell you the truth and to fight for that truth, for you.

Entah dari mana sumber aslinya, gue cukup sering mendengar kalimat berikut ini, “Sometimes when you really love somebody, you have to let them go. If they come back, they will be forever yours. If they don’t, it’s just not meant to be.”

Kemudian kebetulan hari ini, ada teman gue yang bercerita soal teman ibunya. “Dulu nyokap gue pernah punya teman cowok yang ngejar-ngejar satu cewek. Tiap hari, cowok ini muncul depan rumah cewek itu. Suatu hari nyokap gue saranin cowok ini untuk mendadak hilang untuk lihat reaksi si cewek. Dan bener aja, setelah si cowok bener-bener mundur, cewek ini nyariin duluan dan akhirnya mereka married sampai sekarang.”

See? Nasehat model begini memang bukan sekedar mitos!

Hilangnya seseorang yang sebelumnya selalu ada akan membuat kita merasakan bagaimana jadinya hidup tanpa ada dia. Jika terasa baik-baik saja, berarti memang sudah sebaiknya tidak dilanjutkan. Tapi jika langsung terasa ada yang hilang, rasa takut kehilangan yang mulai kita rasakan itu akan membuat kita menyadari arti dia yang sebenar-benarnya. Pernah takut kehilangan juga akan membantu kita untuk tidak lagi memperlakukan dia dengan seenaknya (taking them for granted). Kita jadi bisa lebih menghargai keberadaan dia dalam hidup kita ini.

Dulu banget, gue pernah ada di posisi sebaliknya. Ada satu cowok yang pantang menyerah berusaha deketin gue sampai hampir satu tahun lamanya. Pada satu titik, akhirnya dia nyerah juga. Akhirnya dia hilang juga dari keseharian gue. Apa yang gue rasakan? Gue sempat merasa ada yang hilang, tapi gue merasa baik-baik saja. Gue hanya merasa perlu adaptasi sebentar dan memang benar saja, akhirnya gue lupa dengan sendirinya.

Bertahun-tahun kemudian, gue menyadari bahwa memang sudah sebaiknya gue dan dia berpisah sampai di situ saja. Sekarang dia bukan cuma udah married, tapi juga terlihat benar-benar bahagia dengan pernikahannya. Gue melihat istrinya betulan bisa menerima dia apa adanya; dia bisa melakukan hal-hal yang belum tentu bisa gue lakukan untuk suaminya itu.

Dulu, gue sadar bahwa cowok ini emang sengaja menghilang untuk melihat reaksi gue. Tarik-ulur istilahnya. Tapi ternyata, gue tidak terpancing, yang memang artinya, gue dan dia hanya “not meant to be“. Dan gue yakin, dia enggak menyesali keputusannya untuk melepas gue saat itu, karena toh akhirnya, dia menemukan orang lain yang memang lebih baik untuk hidupnya.

Itulah alasannya, saat gue udah had enough dengan orang yang gue sukai, pada akhirnya gue akan melepaskan mereka dengan benar-benar mundur teratur. Kalau dia enggak kembali lagi, maka ya sudah. Buat apa gue ngotot mengejar orang yang merasa hidupnya baik-baik saja meski tanpa gue? Insyaallah suatu saat nanti, akan dagang orang lain yang lebih baik dan terbaik untuk diri gue. Tapi kalau perginya gue membuat dia merasa sangat kehilangan, maka insyaallah, dia akan mencari jalannya sendiri untuk kembali lagi.

Jangan terlalu takut melepaskan genggaman, karena pada dasarnya, orang yang benar-benar menginginkan kita dalam hidupnya tidak akan balas melepas genggaman tangan kita itu. Mereka tidak akan membiarkan kita terlepas dari genggaman tangan mereka.

Let them go, and see if they will try to find their way back to us.

A few months ago, I told an old friend of mine that the only reason why I was still single was merely because I hadn’t found the right person just yet. Surprisingly, he told me that it was not the real reason. He said, “You’re just too lazy to make it happen.”

I often hear people say that the right person will come along. One thing that people rarely admits is that in fact, a right person doesn’t make everything any easier. At the end of the day, it will take an equal amount of efforts just to keep going with this person. The only reason why you call him as your right person is that he is the one who’s willing to fight the battles and win the war for you, and you both are determined to spend the rest of your lives together.

This one person may not be better than you ex. He will also come with flaws, a lot of it, and he’s not so much different with your ex in a way he too makes you mad, makes you cry, and makes you wonder if you’ve been doing the right things. Did you know? 90% of brides to be I know had doubts about their weddings. What I’m trying to say, the chances are… you will never find someone whom you’re 100% sure about. The only thing that makes him different with your ex is that this time, you’re willing to get rid of your doubts to start a life with him in it.

All these facts got me thinking… maybe, it’s not about finding someone who is right for me. Because maybe, it’s about me finding myself. And it’s not that the men from my past were wrong, it was just that the timing wasn’t right for both of us. Both of us hadn’t had enough lessons on how to be right for each other.

Life has taught me that nobody is perfect, and that’s the first step. I have given up trying to find someone who is exactly like what I want. I finally accept the fact that I will never get to say this on my wedding day, “He’s everything that I always want.” There’s always a “but” in my sentence when I describe him, and that’s okay.

I’ve also learned that everyone, no matter how kind he is, will eventually hurt me. He will disagree with me, we will have a couple of fights, he will break my heart and make me upset. I will never find someone who ALWAYS, from times to times, makes me completely happy. No matter who he is, it will never be an easy road between us, and that’s okay too.

And then finally, I’ve come to learn that my life, my rule, my decision. No matter who he is, people will always have something to say. I will never find someone whom everyone approves. He won’t be able to please everyone I know, and he doesn’t have to!

I write this not because I have finally found my Mr. Right. I think it’s better that I write it now so that people won’t presume that I’m talking about my spouse :p Whether it’s right or wrong, I’ll see about that. Very soon, I guess 😉

You and your future man will come along to each other, and right now, both of you are still learning how to be right for each other. Keep going and you’ll get there. I know I’ll get there, someday.


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About Me

What my blog is all about? It's all about my life; my very own fairy tale, that I would love to share. This is my story, my ups and downs, it's a journey to remember.

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