A journey to remember

Archive for the ‘Love Story’ Category

I can’t stay forever mad with the people I used to care about. It can take a year, or maybe, it can take a decade, but I will eventually forgive them for what went wrong back in the past. Be it in personal or work relationship, no matter how bad it was, somehow I always found my way to have them back in my life. It might not be as close as we once were, but at least, they are not my forever enemy.

Why would I want to do that? Because they used to mean a lot to me and whatever they did wrong could never change the good memories that we used to have.

For starter, at some point, I always manage to be friends with my ex crush. Yes, they broke my heart, but in most cases, I used to broke their hearts too. It’s actually my loss if I decided to get rid of the beautiful memories I used to share with them. I would never forget the way they made me smile, the butterflies in my belly, and all the little things they did to comfort me, and most importantly, to make me feel loved. Once I fall in love with somebody, they will be forever mean something to me. I may never feel the same way again, but they will never be a stranger and I will always have a tiny place for them inside my heart. Once in my lifetime, they were my fairy tale, and they will always be my favorite stories to tell to my grandkids.

I will also stop hating the bosses who made me want to leave the companies I used to work at (I’m not saying I hate all my former bosses though). Back to the times I worked with them, each and everyone of them had contribution to my career development. They challenged me, they gave me opportunities I was unsure if I was capable of, and of course, they rewarded me even more than I thought I deserved sometimes. I am not who I am without my former bosses, and I’m thankful for that.

And finally, sooner or later, I will forgive ex best friends who betrayed me. I used to hope I could grow old with them, as people always say; best friends forever. Seeing my hopes were torn apart couldn’t be more heartbreaking to me. I’m already used to have envy people trying to ruin my happiness, but I never expect to watch my best friends doing the same thing to me. But still, there were some reasons why I called them my best friends. They helped me in the lowest points of my life, they woke up in the middle of the nights just to hear about my bad days, they were once the people I chose to be my family.

I’ve come to learn that my Mr. Wrongs were actually learning to become a Mr. Right (even if it’s most likely for someone else but me). They had to make those mistakes so that they knew what they should do to become a better man.

My horrible bosses were not pure evils or whatsoever. The crazy pressures they had were just beyond their capacities as human back then. If they are good enough, someday they’ll come around and they’ll eventually learn how to become a better leader for their teams.

Finally my former best friends… from all people in this world, I know better how kind and how good they actually could become. Hard times in life changed them, yet whatever their pain and struggle was, I sincerely hope they will soon find a light at the end of the tunnel. And if they will ever find themselves guilty, more important than my forgiveness to them is actually their forgiveness to themselves. That way, they will learn how to stay kind even when this life gets rough.

Again, this total forgiveness may take ages for me to get there. It’s not the forgiveness itself that is hard to be done; it’s to forget the way they once made me feel. Not to mention how hard it is to heal a broken trust. It’s definitely not easy, but doable.

Everyone makes mistakes, and so do I. And at the same time, everyone needs time to heal, and so do I.


Did you know? Real love is tough. It’s not always pretty. It even looks ugly, sometimes. It doesn’t always please you, it doesn’t always make you feel completely happy, it’s a bumpy road, it’s definitely not as easy as a fairy tale.

Someone who loves you, cares about you, will tell you the truth. An ugly truth, perhaps. It’s not because they don’t love you anymore, it’s just because they want what’s best for you and your life. And when they truly care about you, they tell that truth right in front of you. They won’t backstab you, they will always be bold enough to be honest with you.

Someone who cares about you will not make everything always easy for you. They want you to earn it. They don’t want to spoil you the whole times because they don’t want you to be irresponsible with your own life. They want you to grow up as a person inside.

Someone who sincerely loves you will never give up on you. They will do everything in their power to keep you in their life, and it includes all the fights that have made you feel uncomfortable with the relationship itself. If they just let it fall apart, it simply means they just don’t want to waste their precious times on you.

This theory is one theory that I believe is always right. Be it romantic relationship, friendship, and families. If they care about you, they will take a risk to tell you the truth, and they will take an extra miles just to help you to become a better person than you were yesterday.

Again I tell you here, if your lover never pisses you off, most likely, you haven’t dated them long enough. If your friends only tell all the right things that make you happy, you guys aren’t close enough. And if your parents have stopped lecturing you, then most likely, they have finally given up on you.

Believe me, real love is tough. Nobody is perfect and neither are you, and the people who love you the most are the people who will tell you your imperfections a lot more often than everyone else. If you keep hating them for telling you the truth, you are preventing yourself from being loved. What’s even worse, you’re preventing yourself from being a lovable person who gets better from times to times.

Find someone who is bold enough, who cares enough, to tell you the truth and to fight for that truth, for you.

Entah dari mana sumber aslinya, gue cukup sering mendengar kalimat berikut ini, “Sometimes when you really love somebody, you have to let them go. If they come back, they will be forever yours. If they don’t, it’s just not meant to be.”

Kemudian kebetulan hari ini, ada teman gue yang bercerita soal teman ibunya. “Dulu nyokap gue pernah punya teman cowok yang ngejar-ngejar satu cewek. Tiap hari, cowok ini muncul depan rumah cewek itu. Suatu hari nyokap gue saranin cowok ini untuk mendadak hilang untuk lihat reaksi si cewek. Dan bener aja, setelah si cowok bener-bener mundur, cewek ini nyariin duluan dan akhirnya mereka married sampai sekarang.”

See? Nasehat model begini memang bukan sekedar mitos!

Hilangnya seseorang yang sebelumnya selalu ada akan membuat kita merasakan bagaimana jadinya hidup tanpa ada dia. Jika terasa baik-baik saja, berarti memang sudah sebaiknya tidak dilanjutkan. Tapi jika langsung terasa ada yang hilang, rasa takut kehilangan yang mulai kita rasakan itu akan membuat kita menyadari arti dia yang sebenar-benarnya. Pernah takut kehilangan juga akan membantu kita untuk tidak lagi memperlakukan dia dengan seenaknya (taking them for granted). Kita jadi bisa lebih menghargai keberadaan dia dalam hidup kita ini.

Dulu banget, gue pernah ada di posisi sebaliknya. Ada satu cowok yang pantang menyerah berusaha deketin gue sampai hampir satu tahun lamanya. Pada satu titik, akhirnya dia nyerah juga. Akhirnya dia hilang juga dari keseharian gue. Apa yang gue rasakan? Gue sempat merasa ada yang hilang, tapi gue merasa baik-baik saja. Gue hanya merasa perlu adaptasi sebentar dan memang benar saja, akhirnya gue lupa dengan sendirinya.

Bertahun-tahun kemudian, gue menyadari bahwa memang sudah sebaiknya gue dan dia berpisah sampai di situ saja. Sekarang dia bukan cuma udah married, tapi juga terlihat benar-benar bahagia dengan pernikahannya. Gue melihat istrinya betulan bisa menerima dia apa adanya; dia bisa melakukan hal-hal yang belum tentu bisa gue lakukan untuk suaminya itu.

Dulu, gue sadar bahwa cowok ini emang sengaja menghilang untuk melihat reaksi gue. Tarik-ulur istilahnya. Tapi ternyata, gue tidak terpancing, yang memang artinya, gue dan dia hanya “not meant to be“. Dan gue yakin, dia enggak menyesali keputusannya untuk melepas gue saat itu, karena toh akhirnya, dia menemukan orang lain yang memang lebih baik untuk hidupnya.

Itulah alasannya, saat gue udah had enough dengan orang yang gue sukai, pada akhirnya gue akan melepaskan mereka dengan benar-benar mundur teratur. Kalau dia enggak kembali lagi, maka ya sudah. Buat apa gue ngotot mengejar orang yang merasa hidupnya baik-baik saja meski tanpa gue? Insyaallah suatu saat nanti, akan dagang orang lain yang lebih baik dan terbaik untuk diri gue. Tapi kalau perginya gue membuat dia merasa sangat kehilangan, maka insyaallah, dia akan mencari jalannya sendiri untuk kembali lagi.

Jangan terlalu takut melepaskan genggaman, karena pada dasarnya, orang yang benar-benar menginginkan kita dalam hidupnya tidak akan balas melepas genggaman tangan kita itu. Mereka tidak akan membiarkan kita terlepas dari genggaman tangan mereka.

Let them go, and see if they will try to find their way back to us.

A few months ago, I told an old friend of mine that the only reason why I was still single was merely because I hadn’t found the right person just yet. Surprisingly, he told me that it was not the real reason. He said, “You’re just too lazy to make it happen.”

I often hear people say that the right person will come along. One thing that people rarely admits is that in fact, a right person doesn’t make everything any easier. At the end of the day, it will take an equal amount of efforts just to keep going with this person. The only reason why you call him as your right person is that he is the one who’s willing to fight the battles and win the war for you, and you both are determined to spend the rest of your lives together.

This one person may not be better than you ex. He will also come with flaws, a lot of it, and he’s not so much different with your ex in a way he too makes you mad, makes you cry, and makes you wonder if you’ve been doing the right things. Did you know? 90% of brides to be I know had doubts about their weddings. What I’m trying to say, the chances are… you will never find someone whom you’re 100% sure about. The only thing that makes him different with your ex is that this time, you’re willing to get rid of your doubts to start a life with him in it.

All these facts got me thinking… maybe, it’s not about finding someone who is right for me. Because maybe, it’s about me finding myself. And it’s not that the men from my past were wrong, it was just that the timing wasn’t right for both of us. Both of us hadn’t had enough lessons on how to be right for each other.

Life has taught me that nobody is perfect, and that’s the first step. I have given up trying to find someone who is exactly like what I want. I finally accept the fact that I will never get to say this on my wedding day, “He’s everything that I always want.” There’s always a “but” in my sentence when I describe him, and that’s okay.

I’ve also learned that everyone, no matter how kind he is, will eventually hurt me. He will disagree with me, we will have a couple of fights, he will break my heart and make me upset. I will never find someone who ALWAYS, from times to times, makes me completely happy. No matter who he is, it will never be an easy road between us, and that’s okay too.

And then finally, I’ve come to learn that my life, my rule, my decision. No matter who he is, people will always have something to say. I will never find someone whom everyone approves. He won’t be able to please everyone I know, and he doesn’t have to!

I write this not because I have finally found my Mr. Right. I think it’s better that I write it now so that people won’t presume that I’m talking about my spouse :p Whether it’s right or wrong, I’ll see about that. Very soon, I guess 😉

You and your future man will come along to each other, and right now, both of you are still learning how to be right for each other. Keep going and you’ll get there. I know I’ll get there, someday.

Patah hati ada banyak jenisnya. Ada yang terasa ringan, karena toh kita hanya sekedar “ngefans” sama si (mantan) gebetan. Ada yang lumayan berat, biasanya karena sudah mulai tumbuh rasa cinta dalam waktu yang cukup lama. Dan ada juga patah hati “kronis” yang butuh waktu bertahun-tahun hanya untuk bisa sembuh.

Apapun itu, pada dasarnya, patah hati hanya soal waktu. Cepat atau lambat, kita akan pulih dengan sendirinya. Konon katanya, semakin optimis kita bisa move-on, akan semakin sedikit pula waktu yang kita butuhkan untuk bisa betulan move-on.

Di awal patah hati, godaan untuk kembali mencoba akan masih sangat sering terasa. Masih sering maju-mundur, berubah-ubah pikiran, sering baper dan penuh dengan keraguan. Dorongan untuk terus mengamati kehidupan si mantan (entah itu tanya-tanya ke orang sekitar, atau mengamati diam-diam via social media) masih terasa begitu besar.

Seiring berjalannya waktu, ada kalanya kita mulai merasa bahwa kita sudah moved on, sudah semakin jarang stalking dalam bentuk apapun, tapi pada fase menengah, biasanya masih rawan baper. Masih bisa tiba-tiba merasa kangen, masih suka bernostalgia, dan masih sibuk bertanya-tanya apa yang salah dan apakah masih bisa diperbaiki segala “kerusakan” yang ada.

Pelan-pelan, lama kelamaan, tanpa disadari, kita sudah moved on dengan sendirinya.

Kita sudah tidak ingat lagi kapan terakhir kali mengintip Instagram si mantan. Sudah tidak lagi berusaha mencari tahu apakah si mantan sudah punya pasangan baru. Sudah bisa mengingat atau menceritakan kenangan masa lampau tanpa ada rasa sedih yang mengiringi. 

Waktu menyembuhkan, dan usaha untuk move on akan mempercepat. Usaha apa saja? 

Usaha untuk tidak meninggalkan unfinished business. Jika masih ada yang terasa mengganjal, tanyakan langsung kepada orangnya.

Usaha untuk menghibur diri. Boleh berduka, tapi ada batasnya. 

Usaha untuk meyakinkan diri bahwa kita baik-baik saja. Patah hati bukan akhir dari segalanya. Fake it until we make it. 

Terus berusaha, lagi dan lagi, sampai tanpa kita sadari, kita sudah tidak lagi menganggap si mantan cukup penting untuk hidup kita ini. Atau bisa jadi, tanpa kita sadari, sudah ada orang baru yang mengisi hati dan pikiran kita saat ini 😉

Mau satu tip tambahan? Coba bilang begini sama diri kamu sendiri, “Semakin lama saya patah hati, semakin lama saya bisa menemukan the one.”

Moving on is not just a myth. Keep trying, and you’ll get there.

A few days ago, I told one of my colleagues, “If you really like her until that much, then you should go and get her. So long she’s not taken, you’ll still have a chance. Do it if you don’t want to wonder or regret for the rest of your life!”

And then I also told him a long-time story about how I used to lose someone who meant a lot to me. Someone who took years for me to move on (and that was only because I knew he was getting married soon), someone whom I adored, looked up to, someone who made me want to be a better person like he was.

Sometimes I wonder if I should have tried harder before it was too late.

Sometimes I think I should never listen to anyone else, I should just believe in him and me.

Maybe, I should never let my doubt consumed me. I should accept the parts of him that didn’t seem fit to me. I should be more patient. I should have more courage to fight for us, and bold enough to ask him where we stood back then.

I know that people would just say that it was not meant to be. I know that if we were meant for each other, we would somehow find a way regardless all the obstacles between us. I know all that, but I also know that I didn’t try hard enough. Knowing that I didn’t put my very best effort only left me wondering, over and over, if there was anything I could do to make us happen.

The irony is that, having said that I’ve moved on, the truth is, the memory of him never really went out of my mind.

In the lowest points of my life, I sometimes look at his happy life and I’ll wonder, “What if we tried harder? Maybe, if only I tried hard enough, that life could be my life now. A life with him in it.”

What’s even worse, I still tend to compare the new guys in my life with this one guy from the past. I often say to my best friends that it’s impossible to find someone like him. And everytime I got disappointed by someone new, it was only anoher justification how right I was: I’ve had my chance and I have let it slipped through my fingers.

Believe me… it’s definitely true when people say that it’s better try and fail rather than never try and always wonder. I’ve also tried and failed, and it was indeed a lot better than the regret of letting that one amazing guy walk out of my life. At least when I tried, I didn’t have any “what if” as I already had all my questions answered. I’ve put my best effort and if the very best of me was not enough for him, then I had no doubt to let it go. 

Some people in our life may randomly happened for some reasons we don’t even remember. In some cases,  we look back and we laugh at ourselves: how could we be so crazy about all those guys? But some other people are unforgettable. They are still our favorite stories to tell, and the memories just can’t seem to fade away. They are the ones who make us learn how to define a true love, and they are the ones who will always have a little piece of us. If you have someone like that, after reading all this, I hope… you should know what to do.

One of the greatest lessons I learned from getting  older is to learn the things I like, want, and need for my own life. I’ve come to learn quality over quantities, and it includes the people that I need to have around.

I don’t need a thousand friends on my social media, I only need a smaller circle of people who truly care.

I don’t need dozens of social event invitations, I only need unforgettable moments with the loved ones.

And I don’t need a bunch of bride maids on my wedding day, I only need a couple of best friends who are always there in my ups and downs.

Why can’t I have all of that with more of people in my life? Because it takes a great amount of effort just to have a few of them in a longer run and that makes all of them very hard to find!

And why did I say they were hard to find? What precisely do I need from the people that count to me?

Here’s the short list!

  1. I need the people who is genuinely happy for me when my life is up on the sky (and not the ones who let their envy consumes themselves);
  2. The people who is genuinely upset when my life knocks me down (and not the ones who are secretly happy to see me fail);
  3. The people who think of my problems as if it were theirs;
  4. The people who can keep my secrets carefully;
  5. The people who never get bored with the stories and problems I share with them repeatedly;
  6. The people who always reply my text, even the not so important ones (and just because they understand it’s really important for me);
  7. The people who are always willing to forgive my flaws;
  8. The people who still believe in me and capable to see my lights even in my darkest times;
  9. The people who are always in my corner (even when I’m doing all the wrong things in public); and
  10. The people who make time for me, no matter how busy they are.

What makes it even more difficult? Because when I know how hard they try to do all that for me, I will also put my very best effort to do all that for them back. That’s why I said; quality over quantities. I would rather to spend my times and energy to the ones that really matter.

It would be great if you can have dozens of people like that in your life, but to me, I’m beyond grateful just to have a couple of them. I don’t know what I ever did in my past that makes me deserve every single one of them. Not only they are the people I need, they’re also the people I want and I love to have to be a part of my life. I hope, I really hope, we’re going to have each other for the rest of our life.

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I used to read a quote written by my former lecture saying that even a bad decision would always be much better than no decision at all. It reminded me of the decisions I put on hold and I asked myself, “What prevents me from making all those decisions?” I could instantly listed down many personal reasons that didn’t even sound good to myself. So there I made a couple of decisions; the good ones and the bad ones, and apparently it was so true: even bad decision was still better than no decision at all. First of all, it helped me to move on. I no longer waited for this and that; I made decisions and I started to make the actions. It also gave me a peace of mind knowing that I owed nothing to anyone, not even to myself. And most importantly, all those decisions made me learn, notably the bad ones. It’s not that I intentionally made a bad one, but well, how did I know my decision was bad until I gave it a try? Ever since the day I decided to stop putting my decisions on hold, my life felt a lot lighter and I have never been more proud of myself. Other people might not be happy with my decisions, but I only do what I’ve got to do and they can’t blame me for having courage to do the things they’re not willing to do. If it holds me back and nobody wants to make the call, then let me do the honor. It’s actually that simple, and again, it sets me free.
My biggest career goal is always running my own business. I have been an entrepreneur even since I was a seven years old. I was never hesitate everytime I saw an opportunity to earn some cash to buy toys and comic books. Graduating from college and starting my first corporate job has stopped me from doing my own business. I was too busy to do something else beside my main job. I tried to run a small jewelry business but then I got bored. I came to learn that if I want to start a business, I have to do something bigger. But of course, a bigger scale own business will also require a bigger effort! The comfort of corporate job made me decide to postpone starting a new business until at some point, it was no longer comforting to me. I still remember one night I went home feeling extremely upset with my boss and I just told myself, “I can’t do this forever. I can do much better than working for a jerk.” Right at that moment, I decided to start my biggest dream: starting my own business. Not so long after that, @thelenstory was born.
There is this one little secret about @thelenstory. There was one particular guy who made me fall deeper with photography. He was so talented he could make an old dirty lamp look beautifully glow in his pictures. I still remember that day on a boat, he took pictures of me and he smiled behind his lens. That kind of smile that made me feel the prettiest girl on earth. I didn’t know why but I just loved seeing this guy holding his camera. I even still loved it when he took pictures of me with his grumpy face! At the end of the day, The Lens Story is way more than just a girl who fell in love. The ups and downs, and all lifetime savings that I’ve spent have been the greatest leap of faith I’ve ever taken in my entire life. That one guy from my past was just a starting point. He was my inspiration, he made me believe that there were many hidden talents like him out there and I would be more than happy to help them start their professional career in photography. That was the very beginning story on how my start-up was born, and to me, that will always be one of my favorite stories to tell.

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About Me

What my blog is all about? It's all about my life; my very own fairy tale, that I would love to share. This is my story, my ups and downs, it's a journey to remember.