Confession of a Workaholic

Hari ini, gue cerita ke salah satu teammate di kantor soal obrolan gue dengan dokter internis tadi malam.

Dokter: Sering telat makan?

Gue: Sering.

Dokter: Kenapa?

Gue: Kerja.

Dokter: Sering stres?

Gue: Sering.

Dokter: Kenapa?

Gue: Kerja.

Dokter: Istirahat cukup?

Gue: Enggak. Tidur sehari kira-kira cuma 5 jam aja.

Dokter: Kenapa?

Gue: Kerja juga.

Mendengar cerita itu, teman gue tertawa kecil. Dia lalu bilang, “Ini persis yang waktu itu elo ceritain, Mbak. Problem elo besar, tapi happiness lo juga besar.”

Gue mengerutkan dahi. “Oh? Gue pernah bilang begitu ke elo ya?”

Teman gue mengangguk. “Iya. Waktu itu elo bilang, problem score elo 9 dari 10, tapi happiness score elo juga 9 dari 10.”

Gue tersenyum dalam hati. Memang persis itu yang gue bilang ke dia beberapa bulan yang lalu. Dan persis seperti itu pula yang gue rasakan selama 10 tahun belakangan ini. Selama 10 tahun; sejak gue mulai meniti karier gue.

Banyak orang yang mengasihani workaholic seperti gue. Nggak punya kehidupan di luar dinding kantor, katanya. Sering lembur, kerja sampai sakit-sakitan, masih jomblo pula! Tapi sejujurnya, gue enggak merasa perlu dikasihani. Karier gue telah memberikan gue begitu banyak hal yang tidak pernah gue dapatkan sebelumnya.

Apa saja?

Yang pertama, teman-teman terbaik sepanjang masa. Teman yang datang menjenguk ke kosan saat gue tengah sakit sambil membawakan DVD kesukaan, teman yang mengirimkan hadiah ke kantor baru gue untuk merayakan pertemanan kita yang sudah menginjak 7 tahun lamanya, dan teman-teman yang ikut sedih saat gue sedih, ikut bahagia saat gue bahagia. Tidak pernah ada teman-teman yang begitu menginginkan happy ending buat gue melebihi teman-teman yang gue temui di dunia kerja.

Masih ada juga bos-bos yang luar biasa. Bos yang percaya pada kemampuan gue di saat gue berpikir gue bukan siapa-siapa. Bos yang memberikan lebih dari yang kiranya berhak gue dapatkan. Bos yang memperhatikan wellbeing gue sampai ke hal yang paling kecil sekecil-kecilnya. Bos yang membuat gue merasa sudah menjadi pribadi yang utuh, yang membuat gue pelan-pelan mulai menyadari value dalam diri gue sendiri. Bos luar biasa yang tanpa mereka, gue mungkin bukan siapa-siapa.

Kemudian ilmu dan pengalaman yang membuat gue merasa “kaya raya”. Gue seringkali merasa telah belajar lebih banyak di dunia kerja ketimbang belajar di bangku sekolah sampai kuliah dulu. Senang banget rasanya jika gue bisa membagi ilmu gue ini kepada orang lain (seperti yang tadi gue bilang; gue jadi merasa kaya raya!). Dan pengalaman seperti itu tuh rasanya sangat menyenangkan! Gue enggak akan pernah merasakan betapa fulfilling-nya perasaan bahwa gue ini bisa berguna buat orang lain jika bukan karena pekerjaan gue 10 tahun belakangan ini.

Dan yang terakhir, karier gue ini juga yang kemudian mewujudkan mimpi-mimpi gue yang lainnya. Mulai dari lihat bunga sakura di Jepang, menginap di cave house di Santorini, sampai masuk ke dalam ice cave dan melihat aurora di Iceland. Jangankan itu semua deh. Sekedar tempat tinggal yang nyaman saja gue sudah sangat bersyukur! Gue juga masih bisa beli baju, tas, sepatu, dan apapun yang dulu cuma bisa gue lihat di halaman majalah saja.

Di balik segala hal yang menyenangkan dari karier gue ini, perjuangannya memang tidak mudah. Makin ke sini, pekerjaan gue terasa makin sulit dan banyak rintangannya. Semakin susah untuk sekedar bisa tidur nyenyak dan makan tepat waktu. Bukan sesuatu yang gue banggakan, tapi juga bukan sesuatu yang gue sesali.

My life is hard, my job is hard, but I’ve been having a lot of fun along my way.

Kalaupun gue bisa memutar balik waktu, gue tidak akan mengubah pilihan karier gue. Gue akan tetap memulai karier di Accurate walaupun itu bikin skripsi gue hanya bisa selesai “ala kadarnya”. Gue akan tetap memilih EY yang terkenal dengan jam lemburnya (pekerjaan yang kemudian memberikan gue penyakit lambung). Gue akan tetap memilih Niro, Lazada, dan Go-jek Group lengkap dengan segala suka-dukanya. Memang sulit dan terkadang menguras air mata, tapi gue sangat mensyukurinya! Entah apa jadinya jalan hidup gue tanpa rentetan pekerjaan gue itu…

I am not who I am without my long nights at work… and I have nothing to regret. And that my friend… a confession of a workaholic.

The Problem with Many Relationships in Life: We’re Nicer to The Strangers Rather than The Loved Ones

The problem with many relationships in life: we’re oftentimes nicer to the strangers rather than the loved ones.

Need some examples?

We are hesitate to tell the hard truth to colleagues, but we feel like we can tell whatever we want (with no filter) to our families.

We try so hard to be a good employee but we are careless to be a good daughter/son.

We make times for our random cool friends, but we don’t bother to make times (a real good quality times) with our old best friends.

And this is one final example that I often find in married couples: they tried so hard to be a good husband/wife material before they get married, but then they stop trying to become ones after they truly get married.

A friend used to tell me, “Many marriage fails because they both stop trying to impress each other after they get married.” And I find it so true in many other relationships in life too! Not to mention, the closer we are with someone, the less efforts we put to not hurting their feelings too. We don’t hesitate to reveal the worst part of us to the loved ones without considering how it will break their hearts.

Can’t you imagine how awful it might feel? No more good things to celebrate, only boredom and problems to solve. In this kind of relationship, being with them ends up feeling like a burden. It doesn’t feel like home, it’s not comforting and it doesn’t make us a happy person anymore. Until finally, we end up feeling depressed with our own relationships. We either want to run away or we’ve got to hold on and bear all the pains for some things that we deem as “the good reasons”.

I know that if feels good to be surrounded by the people who manage to love us unconditionally. We want them to love and accept us just the way we are. It’s actually human… but then we forget that they are too only a human. And what’s even more concerning is that we forget how love is also a work and love has to be earned not just in the beginning, but also in every single day of our life. A happy relationship is a never ending works and it might be the hardest work we should ever do in our entire life. We only need to work on it unless if we find that it’s okay just to be alone, and lonely.

Life is all about a balance, and so is a relationship. A balance between the comfort of being ourselves and the hard work to be the very best of us for the loved ones. I know for a fact that unfortunately, reaching this “balance” is always the hardest one.

Everytime it feels hard for me to deal with the loved ones, I told myself, “I don’t owe anything to any random people in the office nor any people who only text me a couple times in a year, but I owe a lot of things to my families and best friends.” And then I prioritize my resources (times, energy, and wealth) from there.

From now on, let’s try to do better for our loved ones. If we’re willing to listen to the strangers, listen to our loved ones too. Hear them out! And if we’re willing to work hard just to be “employee of the year”, why don’t we work as hard to be son/daughter or husband/wife of the year too? When we keep trying to be the very best version of us in anything in life, we do it not only for ourselves, but also for the people we care about.

Guys, This Is a Guide on How to Be a Lovable Man

In the past one decade, I’ve met a couple of gentlemen who treated me very well. Some of them were my dearest friends, some of them were the ones I fell in love with. Let me write this short list as an appreciation to each and everyone of them!

I love it when a man puts me before himself

I still remember a guy who gave me his only helmet to keep me safe (his other helmet was stolen that night). The same guy who cleaned the side of my dining table (a dirty one) in a Burger King restaurant.

There was also another guy who screened the food menu just to make sure there would be something I could eat (I was a picky eater), the same guy who asked for forks and spoons just for me to the waiters everytime we ate in Japanese or Chinese restaurant (I was terrible at using chopsticks).

I love it when a man takes a very good care of me

One day in Ramadhan a couple years ago, I was occupied with a conference call with my colleagues far away in China. It was fasting break time but I was too busy just to grab my own meal. Without being asked, a guy in my team brought the food for me right to my meeting room so that I could eat immediately. He was the same guy who took a plate and cutleries so that I could eat my cake on my desk (I was starving but I still had so many works to do).

There was another officemate who bought me an aspirin when I told him that my head hurt. The same guy who brought me my favorite TV shows DVD to my place when I was sick. He is my very best friend who is always around, that kind of friend who makes me hope that best friends forever is not just a myth!

I love it when a guy carefully listened every little thing I said

I once said that I didn’t like to sit in the middle of the back seat of a car and one guy remembered that very well. He gave up his window side seat for me because he said he knew that I disliked sitting in the middle. He was the same guy who bought me a movie DVD that I always wanted to watch (I only told this to him once and he remembered me when he saw that disc in a shopping mall).

Another guy found me a specific comic book that I was looking for many years ago (Detective Conan volume 13th). I didn’t mean to ask him to give me that book, but he listened how I wanted that book so badly and he brought one for me.

I love it when a man tries his own way to make me smile

I will never forget the day a guy sang me a song with his guitar. He sang the lyrics and he looked at me in between his song. Did you know what the song title was? It was, “Best I’ve Ever Had” by Vertical Horizon.

A dear friend handmade me a beautiful notebook with my name engraved to it. He put some quotes that fitted me perfectly in that book (and yes, he knew me that well!), and when he gave that book to me, he wrote a note saying that he gave that book as a celebration of our one decade friendship and he also wrote that one silly story on our first met. That gift had really made my day!

I love it when a man makes me feel like I’m the prettiest girl on earth

I once told a friend that I felt ugly without my make-up on that day, and he replied, “You actually look pretty now.”

I had a date with a guy and he never took his eyes off me. Some pretty girls passed our table but he didn’t look away. I also told him how beautiful my sister was, I showed him my sister’s picture on my phone, and he said, “I think she’s not that pretty.”

I simply love it when a guy looks me in the eyes and he smiles at me. Even without saying a word, what he does is more than enough to make me feel beautiful.

I love it everytime a man shows how well he knows how to be a gentleman

It’s the little things like carrying my heavy luggages, giving up his seats for me, driving me home in the middle of the night, or as simple as waiting until I catch my cab first. Men like this are somehow harder to find these days.

Oftentimes I think, I didn’t express enough gratitudes to the guys I mentioned in this post. You know… I’m just not good in expressing this kind of thing. My expression might look just flat despite the fact that I felt touched inside my heart! So here I write it all in this blog just to let them know how thankful I am. All the girls who end up to be with them are certainly the lucky ones 🙂

My Belated Farewell Note to Lazada

Biasanya, gue akan segera menulis farewell note gue di blog ini segera setelah hari terakhir gue di perusahaan ybs. Kali ini lain ceritanya. Hari terakhir gue di Lazada sudah lewat 2 minggu yang lalu sebenarnya, tapi gue baru ingin menulis farewell note itu baru-baru ini saja. Kenapa demikian? Karena ternyata, ini perpisahan paling berat yang pernah gue rasakan!

Sebetulnya gue sudah mengajukan resign sejak pertengahan tahun lalu. Cukup waktu untuk handover, cari pengganti gue, dan yang enggak kalah penting, untuk menyiapkan perasaan gue sendiri. Saat gue resign, gue sedang merasa sangat nyaman dengan tim terakhir gue di Lazada. Bukan cuma cocok dalam hal pekerjaan, tapi juga dalam hal-hal di luar pekerjaan. Berkat mereka, hidup gue di kantor jadi terasa lebih menyenangkan. Gue jadi lebih banyak tertawa, dan gue juga jadi merasa punya tim yang bisa gue percaya. Banyak orang yang bersikap berbeda di depan dan di belakang gue, tapi tim gue itu, gue yakini bukan salah satunya. Dan percaya nggak percaya, tim seperti itu sekarang ini sangat sulit untuk didapatkan!

Minggu pertama setelah resign, sangat terasa ada yang hilang dari keseharian gue. Makan siang jadi terasa berbeda, makan Indomie juga jadi terasa berbeda (sudah bukan lagi makan Indomie malam-malam di pinggir jalan dekat kantor). Ingin cerita ini-itu tapi tidak ada teman di sebelah gue yang bisa langsung gue ajak bicara. Dan tentu saja, sudah tidak ada lagi teman-teman cowok yang celetukannya bisa bikin gue tertawa terbahak-bahak!

Di akhir minggu pertama, gue enggak bisa tidur. Gue kangen Lazada. Timnya, sudut-sudut kantornya, kegilaan pekerjaan gue sehari-harinya, gue bahkan juga kangen dengan kamar kost yang sudah gue tinggalkan segera setelah resign dari Lazada itu. Baru terasa, sangat-sangat terasa, semuanya enggak akan pernah lagi kembali sama.

Ternyata memang benar, kita tidak akan benar-benar tahu apa yang pernah kita miliki sampai kita benar-benar kehilangan. Awalnya gue pikir, gue hanya akan kehilangan tim terbaik yang pernah gue punya saja, tapi ternyata, gue juga kehilangan sebagian kecil dari diri gue sendiri.

Gue mulai kerja di Lazada saat bisnis marketplace-nya baru lahir hampir 4 tahun yang lalu. Banyak kenangan, pengalaman, dan pembelajaran yang tidak ternilai harganya. Di sana gue dipertemukan dengan teman-teman baru, di sana juga gue kehilangan beberapa teman lainnya, di sana gue pernah sampai jatuh cinta (ada sampai belasan cowok yang gue pernah naksir selama kerja di sana, hehehe), di sana gue pernah berprestasi, di sana juga gue pernah melakukan kesalahan dan mengalami kegagalan. Jika diingat lagi, sulit dipercaya semua itu pernah terjadi hanya dalam waktu kurang dari 4 tahun lamanya!

Di awal minggu ke dua, gue mulai mempertimbangkan untuk kembali kerja di perusahaan lainnya (awalnya, gue berniat fokus mengurus bisnis gue sendiri saja). Melihat betapa antusiasnya orang-orang di calon kantor baru gue itu pada akhirnya membuat gue mulai bilang sama diri gue sendiri, “It’s time to move on.”

Lazada, sampai kapanpun, akan selalu menjadi cerita favorit gue. Gue akan selalu bangga pernah menjadi bagian dari cerita sukses perusahaan ini. Kemudian soal tim gue, entah kenapa, gue mulai meyakini, “It was not a goodbye between us!”

I often feel blessed with my life, and Lazada has been one of the greatest blessings in my entire life. Thanks to you, Lazada! Thanks for the memories and all those crazy days! You will be missed.

xoxo,

Riffa.

I Never Forever Despise My Ex, I Never Have, I Never Will

I can’t stay forever mad with the people I used to care about. It can take a year, or maybe, it can take a decade, but I will eventually forgive them for what went wrong back in the past. Be it in personal or work relationship, no matter how bad it was, somehow I always found my way to have them back in my life. It might not be as close as we once were, but at least, they are not my forever enemy.

Why would I want to do that? Because they used to mean a lot to me and whatever they did wrong could never change the good memories that we used to have.

For starter, at some point, I always manage to be friends with my ex crush. Yes, they broke my heart, but in most cases, I used to broke their hearts too. It’s actually my loss if I decided to get rid of the beautiful memories I used to share with them. I would never forget the way they made me smile, the butterflies in my belly, and all the little things they did to comfort me, and most importantly, to make me feel loved. Once I fall in love with somebody, they will be forever mean something to me. I may never feel the same way again, but they will never be a stranger and I will always have a tiny place for them inside my heart. Once in my lifetime, they were my fairy tale, and they will always be my favorite stories to tell to my grandkids.

I will also stop hating the bosses who made me want to leave the companies I used to work at (I’m not saying I hate all my former bosses though). Back to the times I worked with them, each and everyone of them had contribution to my career development. They challenged me, they gave me opportunities I was unsure if I was capable of, and of course, they rewarded me even more than I thought I deserved sometimes. I am not who I am without my former bosses, and I’m thankful for that.

And finally, sooner or later, I will forgive ex best friends who betrayed me. I used to hope I could grow old with them, as people always say; best friends forever. Seeing my hopes were torn apart couldn’t be more heartbreaking to me. I’m already used to have envy people trying to ruin my happiness, but I never expect to watch my best friends doing the same thing to me. But still, there were some reasons why I called them my best friends. They helped me in the lowest points of my life, they woke up in the middle of the nights just to hear about my bad days, they were once the people I chose to be my family.

I’ve come to learn that my Mr. Wrongs were actually learning to become a Mr. Right (even if it’s most likely for someone else but me). They had to make those mistakes so that they knew what they should do to become a better man.

My horrible bosses were not pure evils or whatsoever. The crazy pressures they had were just beyond their capacities as human back then. If they are good enough, someday they’ll come around and they’ll eventually learn how to become a better leader for their teams.

Finally my former best friends… from all people in this world, I know better how kind and how good they actually could become. Hard times in life changed them, yet whatever their pain and struggle was, I sincerely hope they will soon find a light at the end of the tunnel. And if they will ever find themselves guilty, more important than my forgiveness to them is actually their forgiveness to themselves. That way, they will learn how to stay kind even when this life gets rough.

Again, this total forgiveness may take ages for me to get there. It’s not the forgiveness itself that is hard to be done; it’s to forget the way they once made me feel. Not to mention how hard it is to heal a broken trust. It’s definitely not easy, but doable.

Everyone makes mistakes, and so do I. And at the same time, everyone needs time to heal, and so do I.

Real Love is Tough, Very Tough

Did you know? Real love is tough. It’s not always pretty. It even looks ugly, sometimes. It doesn’t always please you, it doesn’t always make you feel completely happy, it’s a bumpy road, it’s definitely not as easy as a fairy tale.

Someone who loves you, cares about you, will tell you the truth. An ugly truth, perhaps. It’s not because they don’t love you anymore, it’s just because they want what’s best for you and your life. And when they truly care about you, they tell that truth right in front of you. They won’t backstab you, they will always be bold enough to be honest with you.

Someone who cares about you will not make everything always easy for you. They want you to earn it. They don’t want to spoil you the whole times because they don’t want you to be irresponsible with your own life. They want you to grow up as a person inside.

Someone who sincerely loves you will never give up on you. They will do everything in their power to keep you in their life, and it includes all the fights that have made you feel uncomfortable with the relationship itself. If they just let it fall apart, it simply means they just don’t want to waste their precious times on you.

This theory is one theory that I believe is always right. Be it romantic relationship, friendship, and families. If they care about you, they will take a risk to tell you the truth, and they will take an extra miles just to help you to become a better person than you were yesterday.

Again I tell you here, if your lover never pisses you off, most likely, you haven’t dated them long enough. If your friends only tell all the right things that make you happy, you guys aren’t close enough. And if your parents have stopped lecturing you, then most likely, they have finally given up on you.

Believe me, real love is tough. Nobody is perfect and neither are you, and the people who love you the most are the people who will tell you your imperfections a lot more often than everyone else. If you keep hating them for telling you the truth, you are preventing yourself from being loved. What’s even worse, you’re preventing yourself from being a lovable person who gets better from times to times.

Find someone who is bold enough, who cares enough, to tell you the truth and to fight for that truth, for you.

Sahabat itu Adalah Orang-orang yang…

Mulai mengenal pertemanan sejak usia gue masih di bawah 5 tahun, sekarang gue sudah mulai bisa membedakan antara teman, teman baik, dan sahabat. Dan buat gue saat ini, sahabat itu adalah orang memenuhi semua definisi di bawah ini.

  1. Orang yang bisa gue ajukan pertanyaan-pertanyaan bodoh seperti, “Kalo gue unfollow orang lain di IG atau FB, orangnya bisa tahu atau enggak ya?”
  2. Orang yang tidak pernah iseng bertanya, “Kapan married?” Mereka enggak pernah iseng bertanya karena mereka tahu gue juga enggak tahu apa jawabannya, hehehehehe;
  3. Orang yang bisa dengan entengnya untuk gue bilang begini, “Eh jangan lupa like foto gue yaa.”
  4. Orang yang membuat gue merasa tidak perlu mengarang alasan di saat sebetulnya gue hanya sedang tidak punya cukup uang untuk jalan-jalan, hehehehe;
  5. Orang yang gue ceritakan pengalaman gue yang paling memalukan sekalipun. Tipe orang yang biasanya akan menjadikan pengalaman lucu itu sebagai lelucon antar kita sampai bertahun-tahun kemudian 😀 Mereka juga orang yang bisa gue ajak diskusi tentang hal-hal yang sifatnya tabu dan/atau kontroversial;
  6. Orang yang pernah gue biarkan melihat gue tanpa make-up… dan biasanya mereka akan bilang begini, “Elo tetap cantik tanpa make-up“. Mungkin hanya supaya gue enggak minder, hehehehe;
  7. Orang yang bisa gue ceritakan ambisi dan cita-cita gue tanpa takut dianggap tukang mimpi, terlalu ambisius, dan embel-embel negatif lainnya;
  8. Orang yang selalu bisa menyisihkan waktunya buat ketemuan sama gue. Sesibuk apapun, mereka selalu punya waktu buat gue;
  9. Orang yang berusaha membalas pesan gue segera setelah mereka membacanya (entah kenapa, gue tidak pernah bisa berteman akrab dengan orang yang sering tidak balas texts orang lain);
  10. Orang yang tidak pernah merasa bosan dengan curhatan dan masalah gue yang itu-itu saja (termasuk curhat mendadak di tengah malam, hehe). Tipe orang yang tidak pernah putus memberikan support mereka di saat-saat terburuk sekalipun;
  11. Orang pertama yang gue hubungi saat baru balik jalan bareng gebetan, baru dapat promosi, dan hal-hal positif lainnya (meskipun terkadang, kabar gembira itu sifatnya norak dan tidak terlalu penting, hehehe);
  12. Orang yang bisa gue ceritakan ini-itu tanpa takut rahasia gue itu akan tersebar ke mana-mana;
  13. Orang yang bisa gue curahkan kesedihan gue, kadang bisa sampai meneteskan air mata, tanpa takut dianggap lemah atau cengeng;
  14. Orang yang bisa membuat gue merasa nyaman untuk menunjukan sisi rapuh, sisi insecure, atau kelemahan dan kekurangan dalam diri gue tanpa takut sisi lain gue itu itu mereka salahgunakan;
  15. Orang yang tetap percaya pada gue meskipun “seisi dunia” berkata atau bersikap sebaliknya;
  16. Orang yang berani mengambil sikap untuk memihak gue meski tanpa pernah gue minta sebelumnya;
  17. Orang yang bisa menerima gue dengan segala kekurangan gue dan selalu membuka pintu maafnya buat gue;
  18. Orang yang memberikan saran untuk kebaikan gue dan bukan untuk membuat gue berkecil hati;
  19. Orang yang ikut sedih saat gue sedih. Mereka ikut memikirkan jalan keluar dari masalah gue seolah masalah itu adalah masalah mereka juga; dan yang tidak kalah penting…
  20. Orang yang ikut senang saat gue senang dan bukannya diam-diam menyimpan rasa dengki. Gue bisa dengan santai menceritakan ini-itu tentang hidup gue tanpa takut dianggap sombong atau senang pamer.

Orang yang memenuhi 20 kriteria di atas memang jarang ada, itulah sebabnya gue pernah bilang di blog ini, gue merasa bersyukur dipertemukan dengan sahabat-sahabat yang belum tentu dimilki oleh banyak orang lainnya. Dan gue harap sebaliknya, gue juga sudah memenuhi 20 kriteria itu di mata sahabat gue yang keren-keren itu!