I am a type of person who never denies that money is important. How could I survive with my life without it? Let’s say that money doesn’t buy us happiness, but in fact, have you ever seen a happy homeless out there? And don’t you feel happy everytime you buy something you desire, or when you go somewhere you’ve been dreaming of? Buying your dreams stuffs and visiting your dream places need certain amount of money right? So who says money can’t buy you happiness? You need money to buy the things which make you happy. Agree or disagree, in fact… money takes a significant role in your happiness. So I think… you’re a kind of hypocrite if you are saying that money is not important.

Until lately… something happened to me and changed a little bit of my perspective about money. I have just met certain people who praised money so much more than I do. I don’t want to tell anyone the details here… but here is the summary: they are the people who always watch my back, always look for any chance to bring me down, and can’t help themselves from bragging something which they think is better than me. They try so much effort so that they could have a chance to look down at me, create scenarios to make things which I’m so proud of becomes worthless, and always curious with my life by pretending like they care about my hard times. They don’t care with the fact that I might get hurt with their words.

Since I was in the college, I started to wonder why people so cared about my test scores. And now I started to wonder why people so care about my salary. It’s no longer a GPA competition; it has turned to be a money competition between us. But the question is… who told them that we have a competition in here? Because in fact, I never consider that I’m currently competing my annual income with whoever’s in this world. And the funny thing is… why should they treat me like a competitor in a competition while in fact, there is no trophy at stake? It’s not like somebody would get a prize if their salary exceeds mine right?

Sometimes I wonder whether I’ve done something wrong which make people act like that to me. Have I ever, back in the past, did something which might hurt them so that they want to do me a revenge? Am I that kind of snob girl whom they want to knock-down? I never disclose to anyone of them how much taxes I have to pay every year, how many incremental I have achieved every year, not even mentioning my salary figure without being asked. So seriously… why should they treat me as bad as they treat an enemy?

I think it’s gonna be a waste of time if I keep asking what did I do wrong which makes me deserve this. Let’s just taking the bright side… Seeing people so cared about my money has made me realize that having a lot of money doesn’t guarantee that you would be happy with your life. The people whom I mention here are people whom I can say that they are rich. One of them has a rich daddy, one of them works in a reputable multinational company, and one of them has monthly salary which is I know higher than me. So can’t you see the way I see this? A lot of money doesn’t make them satisfy with their life. It feels like they still have to bad mouth me, or brag me, or show me off to gain more satisfaction maybe? Whatever their reasons, the point is that, if they are already happy with the huge money they have, then why should they still think it’s gonna be fun to bring me down?

I still need money to live my life. I know that I can not having so much fun without sufficient money. I also can not fulfill my dreams to see the world without certain money in my bank account. I still say that money is important. I just now realize that having a lot of money is not enough to make you happy. There is one more thing that you shall do to be happy with your money: you have to know how to be grateful with every cent you have in your pocket. I’m not judging that those people are not grateful with their incomes. They probably are, but they do not do it properly. Trying to show off is not a part of being grateful right?

I also learn that I don’t want to be such a person like them. I don’t need to be the richest just to be the happiest. I only need to focus with my own career and if I make a comparison, I do it so that I know how much the market price to avoid me from being underpaid. I will not do any comparison just to make me feel like I’m the best among them. I do believe that there is always a higher sky above the sky. So if I have to act like them, I will never get my own happiness because there will always be someone out there whose salary is higher than me. Besides, someone who has less money than me today could be someone who is richer than me in the future. So I think… there is no need for me to put myself in an imaginary competition like that. Being acknowledged as the richest won’t add more numbers in my bank account right? Even Forbes never gives any prize to the richest people they mention in their magazine!

Regarding all of those bad mouths… well I think, the only thing I need to do is growing fabulous so that they will have to spend much more times to figure out certain new ways to bring me down, hehehehe.

1. Because I’m not good on expressing my feeling to others… I never say that I love my families, friends, or whoever it is, except in my blog 😀
2. I want to let people around me know that I highly appreciate their presences in my life. Again, I’m not good on making people believe that they are important to me until I share some things about them in this blog. That’s why sometimes, I write about people in my daily activities to let them know, and to let the others know the way I feel about them;
3. Sometimes, it’s better for me to give an advice to somebody through this blog. I’m afraid if I tell this straight to them, my intonation, expression, and gestures would hurt the people whom I talk to;
4. I could stay true in blog. I could pretend like I’m okay in my Facebook status, but I don’t know why… I only could write something which is actually on my mind in this blog;
5. I could share so many useful information through this blog… even to strangers who google something until they find what they’re looking for in this blog;
6. I want to share my dreams to others… and hope that it could inspire the readers to have a dream then try to make it come true;
7. I could meet certain new people though this blog. It’s nice having new friends who support me to keep writing and pursue my dream as a professional writer;
8. This blog is a documentation of my journey of life. I love it when I read the things I wrote back in the past. Memories could be erased as the time goes by, but this blog… it would be an eternity;
9. Seeing increasing number in my blog statistic is very addictive, hehehehehe; and
10. Finally, I write a blog because writing is a part of me. It makes me happy, it is a thing which I want to do for the rest of my life. I easily get bored at work, but… I never can get enough of writing something.

I’m currently feeling exhausted of holding on with certain people in my life. There are those people whom I always put as my priority, whom I always try to treat them as well as I could. And I really wish that they would at least, try to treat me as well as I always do. However in fact, many of the people I mentioned before no longer do me the favors in return.

Because in this life…

When I give my best to help someone, it doesn’t mean that later, they would help me back when I need their help.

When I try to make time for them in the middle of my hectic job, it doesn’t mean that they would also try to make time for me.

When I highly appreciate my relationship with somebody, it doesn’t mean they also think that their relationship with me is important.

When I always try to be a honest person, it doesn’t mean that they will never ever lie to me.

When I always be brave enough to make confession and apologize, it doesn’t mean that they will also try to make it up to me.

I’ve been wondering what makes things so tiring like this. It seems like no one else cares about it but me. Until today I realize… the problem is that I’m just too scare of loosing people in my life. Then the question popped up in my mind this morning… do they ever feel the same about me? Are they also scare of loosing me in their life?

So I think… I have overvalued certain people in my life. Beautiful past memories, or probably kindness they ever gave to me in the past, makes me think that they would be good for me forever. I keep believing that they are still the same person whom they used to be, and keep thinking that I shall do everything to keep them in my life.

Because if I talk about the present days… it still feels warm in my heart the times when they disappointed me. When they keep creating the new lies to back-up their previous lies. The times I was hanging on the phone, wishing someone to pick it up and give me a help on something. The times when they didn’t fulfill their promises to me, again and again. The times when they thought that it was okay to let me wait for them. And the times they acted like so hard to get, acted like I should beg for their presence.

I know that in life, every relationship must be up and down. But is it still worth keeping if they do not put an effort to be honest to you? If they only come to you when they’re bored? If they’re only here with you for fun but suddenly missing while you need a help? It’s funny how such a person like this doesn’t get ashamed of themselves.

Sometimes I’m tired of trying to be a good person. It feels like my time has been so much wasted helping someone who doesn’t deserve a hand. It might look like I put myself in a trouble right?

I’m not saying that I don’t want to be helpful anymore. Not either that I want to be a mean girl. I’m just considering to stop caring those wrong people too much. I shall be ready to let go, and to stop putting my hopes up like I used to be.

Today, as I have decided to let them go, it feels like I’m free. At least I was trying. So if later we’re apart to each other, they would have no right to blame me for this. I was trying, and now I give up.