Hey, You!

Yes, you. If you read this, you know who you are. And you should probably know that I’m not a good speaker when it comes to my feelings, but as you also know, I’m a damn good writer.

Did you know? Someday, once you’ve found yourself, once you have faith in yourself, you’re going to make a man every girl is dreaming of. Your girlfriend (who someday is going to be your wife even though you always said you didn’t want to get married), is going to be the luckiest girl on earth.

You will take a very good care of her, just the way you once took care of me (or probably even much better than that!). You will always be considerate of her feelings and you want nothing but the best for her.

You’re going to do great in your career (I know you don’t buy it now, but we’ll see about that in the next one decade). If you think I’m awesome at my job right now, you can actually be more than I am in the next few years. You know I’m always right and I’m sure that I’m right about this one too 😉

Little by little, you will be better and better than you were yesterday. You’ll be stronger, tougher, and yet at the same time, you will be as kind as you are right now. You’ll move on from your past, you’ll forgive your failures, and finally, you will be super proud of who you are (as proud as I am of you right now).

What goes around comes around. You’ve been doing a lot of good things in the past few years. Let those good deeds define you. Just forget and ditch the darker version of you. If it doesn’t make you any better person, then let it go. Move on. You know you’re much better than that. And if you really believe in me, you should also believe everytime I said you could still do much better than everything you already did.

You know… I don’t fall in love easily. You must be one special man until without you know it, you make me fall for you. For a while, even just a little while, I could picture a future with you on the back of my mind. It really broke my heart the moment I realized… you never saw me in yours.

But that’s okay. You know I’m already used to it. You know that I always survived every heartbreak I’ve gone through. And this time, I will be fine too. You don’t need to worry about me. It will take a while until I’m okay with all these… but until then, I’m afraid, you and I will never be the same again.

You have to believe me when I say you’re worth to love. I wish I had what it took to make you love me as much as I love you. And when someday you find a girl who has all those things I do not have, give her a chance. You have to believe that you too… deserve a happy ending. You know you want it, and I know you deserve it.

You will always be a good friend of mine. It’s just that for a little while, I need some spaces. I have to move on. You have to help me to move on. Remember when you said you were rooting for me to find someone out there? I hope you meant it. And help me to find it. I won’t be able to find it in my future, unless I let you go as a part of my past.

You too, as I wrote in the beginning of this post, will find your happy ending. Stop saying you don’t want it. Deep in your heart, you secretly want a beautiful wedding surrounded by your loved ones, don’t you? I could see it on your eyes the last time we came to our friends’ wedding. You will get that, someday. And from all people I know, you do have what it takes to make it happen. You only need to learn how to love yourself first, so that later on, you’ll know how to love someone better than you ever did.

I wish it didn’t have to end this way between you and me. I wish I could stay seeing you as a friend, just a friend. I couldn’t help it from happening though. And I never regret it anyway. It was beautiful falling for you. It felt right, at that time. But now… I should really get over you. You don’t want what I want, so it’s only right for me to move on. As you often heard from me; I only needed to love myself more.

Live your life to the fullest. Pursue your dreams. And again, take a good care and love yourself! Remember when I said you were your greatest enemy? Fix that first. Be fair to yourself and it’s definitely okay to celebrate your victory and be proud of it. Give yourself some credits, remember? If you ever think that you owe me something, then repay me with doing all that. The moment you’re finally proud of who you are is going to be the moment you make me proud the most. And when that happens (and I know it’s going to happen), my work is done.

Finally I only want to tell you that I love you… but you already know that too.

Have a great life! You owe me that one.

Love,

Me; who is always rooting for you

But Then Again, I Have to Love Me More

After one decade passed me by, I finally fell in love in again. I met a guy, a sweet one, who made me fall for him. I fell for his small gestures, his smile, his laughter… A few days ago, it just hit me… this feeling has gone deeper than I ever planned.

What makes him so special? Honestly, I’m not quite sure about that. I have seen his flaws, I have even seen him in his lowest point, but I just don’t care. He, his past, his problems, his insecurities… even with all that, he is still my favorite person.

One day I looked at him and I just knew… that I loved him.

But just a short while after that revelation, I also realized that he doesn’t love me the way I love him. He doesn’t have any plan for me. He doesn’t see me in his future. I’m all alone in my illusions. Or even if it’s true there is something between us, it’s only a fling to him. He doesn’t even remember all the things he used to say to me. It’s easy for him just to forget all his promises. And with all his self doubts about himself, I may have to spend a huge amount of efforts in a very long period of time just to convince him to be with me. And I don’t want that for myself.

I love him, but I have to love me more.

If he doesn’t want what I want and what I deserve to have, then no matter how much I love him, I simply have to love myself more.

Last night before I went to bed, I sighed and I whispered to myself, “Here we go… another episode of heartbreak.”

I’m tired of this. I really am. But as I heard from somewhere in some movie I watched, the only way to move on to the future is to let go of the past. And now I’m letting go.