I Could Be Anything but a Coward

Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve been trying so hard to be more courageous than I was yesterday. It’s not that I was born brave; it’s just that I push myself so hard to be bold enough even in the most difficult times.

The 8 years old me pushed myself to sleep alone in my room (I put a Qur’an right next to pillow for the first 2 weeks hoping that it would keep all the ghosts away, hehe).

The 15 years old me pushed myself to go asking how I ended with a bad score in an English test directly to the teacher (I was 100% sure that I nailed the test). I still remember how nervous I was before entering that teacher’s room. I was frozen in front of her room trying to convince myself that I would be just fine.

As a grown-up at work, I never hesitate to speak up and give feedback everytime I find it necessary (and it includes feedback for my super mean bosses). I’m not afraid of traveling abroad just by myself. And then in personal life, I didn’t hesitate to ask this question to the guy who kept me wonder where I stood, “How do you actually feel about me?”

Sleeping alone in my room taught me how to be brave. Filing complain to my teacher about my grade taught me how to fight for my rights. Giving feedback to my horrible bosses taught me how to solve a problem (gossiping behind their back will NEVER solve any of it!). And finally, asking how my crush actually felt about me taught me how to get out of my misery. All of it combined have really helped me to win my battles, get many things that I deserve, and turn a lot of my dreams to reality.

I often see many people around me doing stupid things, even in the very little things, just because of their fear. They lie, they pretend, they fake, they hide, they run away, or they simply stay quiet in the name of, “Silence is gold”. It really makes me wonder, “Is it really that hard just to be brave?”

I may have many flaws, but fearful is not one of them. And I couldn’t be more proud of it! I would be ashamed of myself if I ever let my fear got in the way. Give it a try and make yourself proud of you too!

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