My Favorite “What If”

I know that I often said that we should live this life with no regret, we should be grateful for all we have in life, we should be happy for who we are, and bla bla bla. But did you know? Me too, sometimes have some kind of “what if” questions deep in my mind. There’s always some times my mind wandering and wondering how my life would be if I were not who I really am.

What if I chose to work just like many other people who can always leave on time?

What if I just wrote books and blogs and poems for a living?

What if I didn’t say no to – too – many guys back in my past?

What if I didn’t overthink so many things in my whole life?

What if I was not too hard on myself?

What if I stopped being such a perfectionist?

What if I just went on with the flow and followed whatever seemed easy to me?

If I did all that, would my life become any less happier? Would I become any less wiser? Would I become any less better than who I am?

Somehow I know, the answer to all that questions is definitely a yes. I will be a lot less than who I am without all those struggles. I know that the more battles I fight, the more battles I’ll win. But well, I’m only a human anyway. Is it ungrateful if I say that sometimes me too want to have a break from my own life? Is it childish if I say that I want to set myself free for a while? Is it stupid if I say that I want to rest my brain from all the troubles and my heart from all the pains just for a little time?

Seriously, I forget when was the last time I managed to be ignorance, careless, and simply said, “That’s not my problem anyway.”

I forget when was the last time my heart just jumped from one crush to another.

I forget when was the last time my life felt easy, less drama, less chaos, and less stuffs to think about.

I simply really forget how a simple life felt like.

I’ve been spending a couple of weeks asking myself, “If I could turn back the time, would I ever choose to live my life any differently?” This question has really been my favorite what if question recently. I know that the answer is simply a big no, but seriously, I’m really thinking that maybe, it would be good for me to stop being me for a while.

I need a break, a time off, an escape, just for a little while.

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