A few days ago, I told one of my colleagues, “If you really like her until that much, then you should go and get her. So long she’s not taken, you’ll still have a chance. Do it if you don’t want to wonder or regret for the rest of your life!”
And then I also told him a long-time story about how I used to lose someone who meant a lot to me. Someone who took years for me to move on (and that was only because I knew he was getting married soon), someone whom I adored, looked up to, someone who made me want to be a better person like he was.
Sometimes I wonder if I should have tried harder before it was too late.
Sometimes I think I should never listen to anyone else, I should just believe in him and me.
Maybe, I should never let my doubt consumed me. I should accept the parts of him that didn’t seem fit to me. I should be more patient. I should have more courage to fight for us, and bold enough to ask him where we stood back then.
I know that people would just say that it was not meant to be. I know that if we were meant for each other, we would somehow find a way regardless all the obstacles between us. I know all that, but I also know that I didn’t try hard enough. Knowing that I didn’t put my very best effort only left me wondering, over and over, if there was anything I could do to make us happen.
The irony is that, having said that I’ve moved on, the truth is, the memory of him never really went out of my mind.
In the lowest points of my life, I sometimes look at his happy life and I’ll wonder, “What if we tried harder? Maybe, if only I tried hard enough, that life could be my life now. A life with him in it.”
What’s even worse, I still tend to compare the new guys in my life with this one guy from the past. I often say to my best friends that it’s impossible to find someone like him. And everytime I got disappointed by someone new, it was only anoher justification how right I was: I’ve had my chance and I have let it slipped through my fingers.
Believe me… it’s definitely true when people say that it’s better try and fail rather than never try and always wonder. I’ve also tried and failed, and it was indeed a lot better than the regret of letting that one amazing guy walk out of my life. At least when I tried, I didn’t have any “what if” as I already had all my questions answered. I’ve put my best effort and if the very best of me was not enough for him, then I had no doubt to let it go.
Some people in our life may randomly happened for some reasons we don’t even remember. In some cases, we look back and we laugh at ourselves: how could we be so crazy about all those guys? But some other people are unforgettable. They are still our favorite stories to tell, and the memories just can’t seem to fade away. They are the ones who make us learn how to define a true love, and they are the ones who will always have a little piece of us. If you have someone like that, after reading all this, I hope… you should know what to do.