A couple of months ago, an old friend from high school passed away. She was just 30 years old, yet she died from a heart attack. That day she said that she was tired and took a nap in her office, and she never woke up.
That news was somehow beyond shocking to me. I came to question my purpose of life. It reminded me of my forgotten dreams; all the things I wanted to do before I die, all the things that I sacrificed for mornings to nights in the office. I always thought I had plenty of times, but what if I didn’t?
It was also shocking to me because the day my friend died, I also felt pretty much the same symptoms as hers. I didn’t think I was sick, I just felt extremely tired and I always craved for a long nap. I still remember the nights I fell asleep in the office, with a cushion in my arms, and then I’d woke up just to go back to my laptop again.
I finally asked myself, “Do I really want to do this for the rest of my life? And from all the things I wanted to do in life, what did I want the most?”
I want to run my own business. Turning my biggest dreams to a reality. I want to run a company that makes the employees a better person; the very best version of themselves. I want to see my ideas becoming a brand. And I want to prove myself that I can really do what I thought as “the impossible”.
I want to take further study. I miss reading thick books and worked on my exams. I miss the butterflies in my stomach everytime I was expecting my grades came out on the screen. I missed the excitement, the joy, and the pride knowing that my hard work was paid off. I really really miss to be a student again and to learn from someone else again.
I want to write a book. Any book. A novel, I hope. I’ve always wanted to become a real writer ever since I was a little kid. I want to be able to see a book with my name on it displayed in a bookstore. I want to have some legacies, and the book I write should be one of them.
I want to travel around the world. One or two countries in every continent on earth only in one trip. I had been working too hard even before I finished my study and I really want to take a long break.
And of course, I want to finally meet my Mr. Right. I’m sick of feeling like I’m not good enough. I’ve had enough of restarting over and over again. I’m done with wondering and waiting. I want to be able to tell myself that I have finally found someone to share a lifetime with.
Right after all those thoughts, I made up my mind. I should not wait any longer. So there I told my boss I would only stay until end of year. I wanted to spend more times on my own start-up. I also eventually reduce my overtime to have a lot more of me times. I continued writing my novel and I started to look for the best business school in town. And the best part is that I finally moved on from my latest heartbreak and all the dramas that came with it. What about traveling the world? Oh well I can’t do everything only in a year, but least, I’m starting to get my life back to the track that I really want for myself!
I hope, I really hope, I will still have enough times to do at least, to pursue all these 5 biggest dreams of mine.
Amiin for me, please? 🙂