Sometimes it hurts knowing that some people don’t consider how I might feel as an impact of the things they said or did. Just because I’m a tough person, that doesn’t mean I’m a superwoman with superpower! I’m only a human with feelings too. The truth is, I’m hurt when they hurt me.
When they bad mouth me behind my back.
When they choose to protect others or even protecting themselves even though that only means they hurt me badly.
When they keep me in the dark.
When they lie.
Or simply when they don’t tell me the truth that I desperately need.
They think I will be just fine. That I’m used to it. That I’m strong enough to get through all that s***. That I’ll move on and I’ll leave all that behind. And that I’ll be a survivor on my own.
Oh yes I will be all that. I don’t want to be permanently bent and broken no matter what. But is that really necessary to let me fight all those nightmares on my own? Is it really necessary to push me to deal with pain, or wonder, or disappointment over and over again? What did I do so wrong I deserve all that?
Just because I’m strong, it doesn’t mean I’m happy to be hurt.
Oftentimes I wish I could just look them in the eyes and tell them how wounded I really was. How I wish I didn’t have to deal with another heartbreak. And how I desperately wanted to let people know that I was not fine. Not at all.
Do you know what’s even worse from all these? It’s knowing the fact that the people who let me go through all these pains are sometimes the people I care about. The people whose opinions do count to me. The people whom I thought would always be “my person”.
I still remember a few years ago, I read this quote saying that the strongest people are mostly the most wounded. And now I find it so true! The more I look fine from the outside, the less people really care how I feel inside.
I also find it so true that everyone is fighting their own battle. Because so am I! Hence if you can’t be kind to me, at least, be kind enough not to be cruel. It’s not that I want you to pity me, it’s just that I want you to treat me as human with feelings inside. And to me, that would be a luxury.