A journey to remember

Mencabut Duri dalam Daging

Posted on: May 1, 2018

Ada salah satu teman lama yang rutin bertanya via WhatsApp, “Elo udah married belum, Fa?” Padahal dia tahu jawabannya, tapi tetap saja, dia rajin WA gue hanya untuk mengulang pertanyaan yang sama. Dan tidak berhenti sampai di situ saja. Setelah gue menjawab, teman yang satu ini akan selalu menimpali dengan komentar-komentar yang luar biasa tajamnya. Contoh, “Elo kan udah tua, Nek, masa’ masih jomblo aja?”

Tipe teman yang bikin gue menghela napas… sungguh sulit jadi perempuan single di usia 30-an di Indonesia ini.

Saat mendengar cerita itu, salah satu sahabat gue berkomentar, “Kenapa juga elo mesti bales semua WA dia? Cuekin aja! Nggak ada gunanya balas-balas WA dia.”

Gue menghelas napas lagi… Kalau gue cuekin, image gue akan terlihat semakin jelek. Bisa-bisa teman lama gue itu akan semakin nyinyir dengan bilang begini, “Sensitif banget ih… pasti deh dia sensi gitu karena belum married.”

Karena benar deh… Kenyinyiran sesama perempuan Indonesia untuk topik ini memang bisa sebegitu kejamnya. Contohnya, opini publik soal cewek yang suka marah-marah. Kalau cewek tersebut sudah married, komentar publik biasanya hanya begini saja, “Dasar emak-emak bawel!” Tapi kalau cewek tersebut belum married, komentar publik, “Tuh kan… dia galak sih, makanya nggak ada cowok yang mau sama dia.” Atau seperti yang gue sebutkan di atas, “Dia jadi judes dan sensi gitu karena stres belum married kali ya.”

Karena malas mendengar komentar seperti itu makanya gue lebih memilih untuk pura-pura manis depan si tukang nyinyir. Capek, tapi mau gimana lagi?

Gue tetap sok-sok sabar sampai suatu kejadian yang tidak bisa gue ceritakan mengubah jalan pikiran gue. Kejadian yang menyadarkan gue bahwa “telat” menikah bukanlah satu-satunya keputusan gue yang bisa jadi sasaran empuk untuk dikomentari secara negatif. Menikah bukan berarti segelintir tukang nyinyir itu akan berhenti mengomentari jalan hidup gue. Ada banyak pilihan hidup gue nantinya yang sifatnya tidak lazim di mata orang Indonesia pada umumnya. Pilihan-pilihan yang jika gue tulis di sini pasti hanya akan disambut oleh komentar-komentar yang tidak menyenangkan.

Setelah gue pikir-pikir lagi, memang benar tidak ada gunanya gue meladeni si tukang nyinyir. Membiarkan mereka tetap ada dalam hidup gue sama saja memelihara duri dalam daging gue sendiri: mereka akan terus dan terus menyakiti gue dari dalam.

Minggu lalu, si teman lama yang suka nyinyir itu kembali WA gue. Tidak langsung gue buka pesannya. Gue berpikir dulu. Dan akhirnya gue putuskan; gue tidak akan lagi membalas pesan-pesan dia. Memang sih, tidak baik memutus tali silaturahmi. Tapi kalau dipikir lagi, apakah masih silaturahmi namanya jika tujuannya hanya untuk menyakiti perasaan gue saja? Gue malah berpikiran, dengan tidak gue balas, gue justru menghindarkan dia dari dosa karena terus-terusan menyakiti perasaan gue, hehehehe.

Tidak ada satu orangpun di dunia ini yang pernah melewati segala hal yang pernah gue lewati sehingga tidak ada satu orangpun yang bisa sepenuhnya memahami alasan-alasan yang kemudian membentuk pilihan-pilihan gue. Tidak ada satupun yang akan pernah benar-benar mengerti, sehingga tidak ada satupun dari mereka yang memiliki hak untuk menghakimi keputusan-keputusan gue itu.

Only God who can judge me and my decisions, and that’s that.

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It’s very important to feel content about our own life. No matter how hard we try, the truth is, we will NEVER get EVERYTHING we want to have in life. I want to have more curves, I want to have a pair of cheekbones and a chin like a supermodel, I want to be married at 30 years old, I want to be a Math expert, I want so many things in life and some of them are just some mission impossible. It’s true that I’m a go getter, but I simply have no time nor resource to pursue everything I want in life. There are some things that I need to live with it probably for the rest of my life. But you know what? I never regret any of that. I would rather count my blessings rather than feeling sorry for my imperfections. I’ve tried to make the very best of every day in my life, and for me, that is way more than enough. I’m happy just the way I am, and I’m thankful for everything I have, everything I don’t have, and everything that I will never have.
Be a better you, for you. Dress up, wear heels, put some make-up on, for you. Live in your dream, be awesome in what you do, especially for you. Learn from your mistakes, get back up from your downfalls, for you. Be kind, be compassionate, also for you. Make yourself proud for being the very best of you, not to please anyone else but you.
Every people has their very own insecurity. They have flaws, failures, they all once did a couple of things they are not proud of. They have one soul crushing events they wish to forget. Their life is not perfect and nor is mine. I am no different with any other person I know. If there’s one thing I do differently, that one thing that many people is reluctant to do, is that I forgive my past. I accept my flaws. I make peace with my guilts and failures. It’s all simply because there’s nothing I can do to change everything that has happened back in my past. What’s gone is gone, I can only decide what I would like to do on the days to come. Rather than drowning in miseries, I moved on. I’ve seen many people turned their problems to a nightmare. They made their worst moments in life even worse than it should be. They pointed fingers, they blamed random innocent people, they pushed people away, they ran off from reality, they did nothing useful for their own life. Some of them even made their personal problems as someone else’s problems for no particular reason. They let their insecurities hurt people who has nothing to do with their downfalls. My life is no better nor easier than anyone else, but at least, I’m trying so hard to make my own life a better place. If I can do it, and so can you!

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What my blog is all about? It's all about my life; my very own fairy tale, that I would love to share. This is my story, my ups and downs, it's a journey to remember.

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