A few weeks back, a guy from my past congratulated me for my recent promotion at work. He seemed impressed with my achievement. I only said thanks, but deep in my heart, I whispered, “Maybe, I wouldn’t make it this far if it was not because of you.”
So many years ago, my life was completely a boring one. I didn’t have any passion, dream, ambition, not either a simple purpose in life. I didn’t even understand what a true happiness felt like. My life was okay, but not wonderful. My life was very plain in so many ways, until I met him.
What makes him so special? Well, a very long time ago, he was the only person who believed in my potential even a lot more than I believed in myself. He said, I could be anything I wanted if only I tried hard enough to make it happen. And somehow, he made me believe in that!
So there I started to picture my own future. I pictured myself as a successful young woman with a pretty dress working in a high rise building (sounds stupid, I know 😉 ). She has a happy life, she travels the world, and she is surrounded by the people she loves. For the first time in my life, I had something to pursue. I had many good reasons to wake up in the morning, and I had a strong belief that someday I’d get there.
And then today, after so many years have passed me by, anytime I look back to my past, I still can’t believe how that insecure, lazy, and grumpy girl can live the life I live in now. It’s not a perfect one, not either an easy one, but it’s nearly everything I’ve always dreamed of. And most of the times I think, I might not be who I am today if it was not because of that boy I met so many years ago.
Last week, I was sitting in a blue taxi taking me to Grand Indonesia, just by myself. As I just said, my life is everything I’ve always dreamed of, except when it comes to love. Then out of the blue, I thought of him, and it just hit me… he was actually the biggest loss I’ve ever had in life.
Back to the past, I was only a teenager when the first time I met him. So many things made me decide that he was not good enough for me. I mean, he and his tons of girlfriends! Could I ever trust him? So that I thought, I was still young, I would still meet a lot of new boys at school, college, and later at work!
Then what about my real life after that? Is it true that I would meet another boy in another chance?
It’s true that I met a lot of new guys after that one guy, but recently I just realized… none of those new guys treated me the way he did. I don’t know how deep their feelings to me, but one thing I know, there was nobody ever fought for me and wanted to be with me as much as he did. I rarely doubt my own decision, yet this time, I began to wonder, “What my life would be if I did it differently?”
Does it mean that I regret my decision? Well, I’m actually still a believer that everything happens for a reason. I don’t think this guy regrets the ending of our story since now he is happily married anyway. So no, I don’t think it’s something to regret. Yet if there is one thing I’ve learned, I simply learned that I should have given him a chance. I should have given myself a chance, not only back then, but also to the chances to come! At least even if it fails, I know that I have given my very best fight. Failure may haunt me for years, but a regret for never trying may haunt me for a lifetime!
However, regardless how it was ended between us, I’m still so grateful that I met him. And somehow I believe, each and everyone of us got one, didn’t we? We all had that someone who brought out the very best in us, the one who enhanced us, the one who made us a better us. And if everything happens for a reason, I believe he happened to become my wake-up call. He was not someone who was meant to be with me, but he was still someone who changed my life.
Finally, as I believe he has no regret on me, I really hope that someday I’ll prove myself that I also have nothing to regret on him. I hope that someday, I will meet someone that makes me realize that all those heartbreaks have finally made a perfect sense. A perfect sense that brings me to someone who is meant to be with me, forever and ever 🙂