A few nights ago, I went home to my kost place and found something that froze me for a while. I looked at an empty shoe rack and smiled alone. And just like that, it reminded me to many random memories on how life could be so unpredictable sometimes. I may be known for having a strong guts feeling on anything, anything… but my own love life.
I still remembered over fifteen years ago, I had to join a Yogyakarta tour for my final exam at IEC. My classmates had joined the previous trip so that I had to go there alone. I told myself that night before departure, “That’s okay… Who knows I would be in the same group with a cute guy? And he would be my first boyfriend!” And I was right… that night in that bus, I met my first love. But then I was wrong… He only thought of me as a fourteen years old kid. My first love ended as my first heartbreak.
One year later, I met a new guy in high school. The time was not right in the beginning, but I believed someday we would be together because for so many reasons, it seemed like we were meant to be. But then again, I was wrong. Now everytime I looked back, I couldn’t help but wondering, “How could I fall that deep for this guy?”
Many years after that, I met a guy in the office and for the first time ever, right at our first met, I looked at him and it just crossed my mind, “This guy is going to be my soulmate.” We did have a chance, but we didn’t make it until the end. Right after that, I gave up. I no longer trust my own guts when it comes to love. People says when you know, you know. Yet somehow, I just never know!
The funny thing is that, my guts feeling is rarely wrong on many other things in life.
I knew that I would succeed my career. I used to write down what I wanted to be in my 20’s, and here I am… 29 years old and pretty much living my own dream.
I knew that my younger sister would get married before me and I would have a loveable nephew or niece from her. And I was right. Now I’m a happy auntie for my beloved 3.5 years old nephew.
I also knew that unlike many others, my friendship with a classmate back in college would last long, and here we are… we’ve been friends for 12 years and still counting.
I knew it all, but I never know how my love life would end.
Back to my kost place, so I just moved into that place around 4 months ago. I used to have an imagination that I would live right next to a cute neighbor. And then we would get to know each other. And then I would have finally found my Mr. Right!
It sounds stupid, I know… but you know what? I was indeed having a cute neighbor right next to my door! We ran into each other in some chances but we never managed to get to know each other. I always thought that I would always have another chance to say hi. And then 2 nights ago, after leaving the kost for 2 weeks for my Umrah trip, I went back to that place and I was frozen seeing his empty shoe racks. He had moved out even before I knew his name.
So there I was, 2 nights ago… Standing alone, looking at an empty shoes rack, and bitterly smiled to myself. I’m always wrong about this one.
That empty shoe racks moment was actually not about that guy next door at all. It was merely about being tired for being wrong all the times. Having the same disappointments over and over again was just frustrating to me. It was frustrating, until last night, an officemate showed me a post on her Facebook. That picture on her phone says, “Sometimes you fall in love with the most unexpected person and the most unexpected time.”
So there I smiled again…
Maybe, that’s how I’m going to get my happy ending. It’s not gonna be someone I have in mind, not someone I mention repeatedly in my prayers, and maybe, not anytime soon like I want it to be. I may never see it coming, but it will come! Sooner or later, all of that past disappointments would only make a perfect sense. And if I think about it again, my life would be less interesting if I can always predict anything that will happen to me, wouldn’t it?
Hence I guess for this one, just let life surprises me. So life, bring it! 😉