In the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking about the person that I want to become. About the way I talk, the way I react, the way I express everything I feel inside my heart… I can’t help but wondering… have I done the right things? The best things for myself? Have I tried hard enough to pursue my personal goals?

The more achievements you’ve won, the more pressures you’ve got to deal in life. And the more pressures you have, the more difficult for you to handle yourself. It’s so human and it can happen to anyone of us. Yet again, I just can’t help questioning myself… have I done my very best to be the very best version of me?

Most of the time I think, it will be very elegant if I’m capable to stay clam even when all things around me are going crazy. People may annoy me, deadlines may be just around the corner, but I wish I could just stay calm. I want to be able to focus with the problem solving rather than yelling at the people for the things that they did wrong. Fix the problems first and talk later.

I also want to find a way to say, “You’re stupid” without being sarcastic. It’s always important to stop people doing the stupid things that will put everyone in trouble, but I really need to find a better way to deliver the words. It’s not cool if preventing stupid things to happen made me end up as a jerk myself. You know… people may forget the things that we say and do, but they will never forget the way that we make them feel.

And finally, I really need to find a way to quit from the dramas. Most of the time, it’s not me creating those dramas in the first place. It’s other people looking for small trouble, annoys me behind everyone’s back, and then when I’m pissed, they will tell the world with their innocent faces, “She’s such a drama queen.”

Being in tough situation is of course nothing new to me, but somehow, it feels like I’ve got to find a new way to deal with it. What lead me to that thought?

1. Society can be so unfair. The bad guy is always the one who punches first, and the victim is always the one who cries the loudest. If I want to win the game, then I need to be the expert on it; and
2. Being out of control brings me regret afterward. The sarcasm, the yells, the uncontrolled anger, and the decisions I made when I was angry… those are the things that I wish I never did.

I know that people won’t believe that I’m capable of achieving these new personal goals. Anger problems are indeed on my blood already. However, even if it takes months, years, or maybe forever, but as long as I try to do my best, then I believe there will be no such a thing like wasted effort.

Best of luck to me!