Category: Blog in English

The Man We Deserve

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Girls, never ever settle less than we deserve. We need to believe that when we love someone sincerely, we all deserve to be loved back in the same amount of sincerity.

We all deserve someone who appreciates our effort to take care of him. Do not settle with someone who takes our efforts for granted.

We all deserve someone who texts, calls, and makes times to meet us. Do not settle with someone who does not put us as his priority. We don’t need to fight or beg just to have his times.

We all deserve someone who tells us the truth. Do not settle with someone who always has a reason to lie over and over again. Big or small, a lie is a lie.

We all deserve someone who is proud to have us. Do not settle with someone who puts us in the closet. It will only break our heart.

And finally, we all deserve someone who is willing to fight for us. Do not settle with someone whose affection is up and down. Someone who comes and goes will eventually leave us forever.

We don’t need a perfect man. Not either a prince charming riding a white horse. We only need someone who does his very best to love us back. And after all the love we give to him, we deserve that.

Let Life Surprise Me

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A few nights ago, I went home to my kost place and found something that froze me for a while. I looked at an empty shoe rack and smiled alone. And just like that, it reminded me to many random memories on how life could be so unpredictable sometimes. I may be known for having a strong guts feeling on anything, anything… but my own love life.

I still remembered over fifteen years ago, I had to join a Yogyakarta tour for my final exam at IEC. My classmates had joined the previous trip so that I had to go there alone. I told myself that night before departure, “That’s okay… Who knows I would be in the same group with a cute guy? And he would be my first boyfriend!” And I was right… that night in that bus, I met my first love. But then I was wrong… He only thought of me as a fourteen years old kid. My first love ended as my first heartbreak.

One year later, I met a new guy in high school. The time was not right in the beginning, but I believed someday we would be together because for so many reasons, it seemed like we were meant to be. But then again, I was wrong. Now everytime I looked back, I couldn’t help but wondering, “How could I fall that deep for this guy?”

Many years after that, I met a guy in the office and for the first time ever, right at our first met, I looked at him and it just crossed my mind, “This guy is going to be my soulmate.” We did have a chance, but we didn’t make it until the end. Right after that, I gave up. I no longer trust my own guts when it comes to love. People says when you know, you know. Yet somehow, I just never know!

The funny thing is that, my guts feeling is rarely wrong on many other things in life.

I knew that I would succeed my career. I used to write down what I wanted to be in my 20’s, and here I am… 29 years old and pretty much living my own dream.

I knew that my younger sister would get married before me and I would have a loveable nephew or niece from her. And I was right. Now I’m a happy auntie for my beloved 3.5 years old nephew.

I also knew that unlike many others, my friendship with a classmate back in college would last long, and here we are… we’ve been friends for 12 years and still counting.

I knew it all, but I never know how my love life would end.

Back to my kost place, so I just moved into that place around 4 months ago. I used to have an imagination that I would live right next to a cute neighbor. And then we would get to know each other. And then I would have finally found my Mr. Right!

It sounds stupid, I know… but you know what? I was indeed having a cute neighbor right next to my door! We ran into each other in some chances but we never managed to get to know each other. I always thought that I would always have another chance to say hi. And then 2 nights ago, after leaving the kost for 2 weeks for my Umrah trip, I went back to that place and I was frozen seeing his empty shoe racks. He had moved out even before I knew his name.

So there I was, 2 nights ago… Standing alone, looking at an empty shoes rack, and bitterly smiled to myself. I’m always wrong about this one.

That empty shoe racks moment was actually not about that guy next door at all. It was merely about being tired for being wrong all the times. Having the same disappointments over and over again was just frustrating to me. It was frustrating, until last night, an officemate showed me a post on her Facebook. That picture on her phone says, “Sometimes you fall in love with the most unexpected person and the most unexpected time.”

So there I smiled again…

Maybe, that’s how I’m going to get my happy ending. It’s not gonna be someone I have in mind, not someone I mention repeatedly in my prayers, and maybe, not anytime soon like I want it to be. I may never see it coming, but it will come! Sooner or later, all of that past disappointments would only make a perfect sense. And if I think about it again, my life would be less interesting if I can always predict anything that will happen to me, wouldn’t it?

Hence I guess for this one, just let life surprises me. So life, bring it! 😉

What is My Greatest Prayer?

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If you ask me, “What are your greatest prayers?”

Here is my answer…

I always pray for a happy life. A good life, as a good person.

I always pray for a happiness even in every single pain I feel inside. Smile and laugh between the tears. Another sunshine after the rain and storms.

I always pray for a reminder to never stop trying to be a good person. Life can be rough, so cruel, so unfair… Yet I always pray that I would stay strong. I should never give up on being a good person.

I always pray that every problem I have will only make me better and wiser than before. I may cry and hide for a while, just a little while, but I always pray thay God will give me strength to move on and let it go.

I always pray that I will be strong enough to survive the rejections that will break my heart. I need to believe that when I am rejected by something good, I’m actually redirected to something better.

I always pray that I would genuinely accept the imperfections in me. No matter how hard I try, I cannot always get what I want to have. And no matter how sure I am, I can’t always be right all the times in my life.

I also pray that I will be forgiven. For all my flaws, my temper. For all the wrongs that I have said and done. For all the pains that I’ve put people through.

Finally, I always pray that God will never stop reminding me to be thankful for all I have. To always always put my feet on the ground. I pray that God will always bless every little step that I take in life.

 

I Finally Find My Pace

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I can’t really share the details here, but there’s one thing or two I’ve been thinking a lot, confused me for a little while, but just out of the blue, I simply knew what I should do. I finally know what I want, and I finally find my pace to make it happen. Or maybe, to let it all just slip away.

I have come to realize how I used to rush many things in my life. I have to do it NOW. ASAP. Immediately. And so on. For some things in life, for instance working environment, it can be a good thing. But apparently, that’s not always the case for all other aspects in life.

When you want to pursue your dreams, it’s not about how fast you get there, but how you have prepared yourself to make it happen, unless, you’re happy enough for being just a mediocre.

Or when you fall in love, it’s not about how fast you make him yours, but how many years you will spend with him afterward. Not all people meet each other and stay together just in a month, some other still needs to be convinced before they move forward.

We simply need to remember that sometimes, good things take time. Rome was not built overnight, remember?

Hence I would say, just enjoy the ride! No need to speed up and risk it all. Then on the other hand, no need to freak out and take a u-turn when the road is bumpy. Just go with it, believe in yourself, do your best, and see how it turns out. Maybe, you will arrive in your destination, but maybe, God will lead you to somewhere else even beyond your imagination.

After spending many years in the same drama over and over again, it really feels good to finally found my pace. Now, it’s your turn to find yours!

Maybe, You Only Need to Let It Out

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Have you ever felt so depressed that you want to run away from your own life? Feeling so down, sad, angry, confused, upset, all in the same time.

I do. And so does everyone of us.

Nobody says that this life is an easy stuff, especially when things are getting rough. Or when something you least expected turn into a reality. Or maybe, when you find yourself got trapped between difficult choices.

I hate to say this but in fact, no matter how hard you try to have a peaceful life, difficult times will always happen anyway. There’s always that one time where you can’t help but wondering, “How could this happen to me?”

It’s simply inevitable, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be drown in your agony. If it’s not easy to make things get better, at least, you can definitely do something to make yourself feel better. And what do I do to make myself feel better? It’s simple; I only need to find someone to talk.

I need to hear me saying that thought out of my mind.

I need to tell someone what I really feel about it. No sugar coating, no lie, no denial.

I need to speak it up, I simply need to let it out.

Will it solve my problems? Perhaps no, BUT, it will definitely help me to find a way to solve my problems.

It always helps me to reduce my pain. And when my emotion is on a good state, my mind will also work on its very best state to figure out the next steps I should take to make things right.

I know that every people is different. If it works for me, it doesn’t mean it will also work for everyone else. But think again… Why do you think people pays a lot of money just to go talking with a shrink? It’s not about finding someone who is trained to solve your problems, it’s merely about finding someone whom you can trust to hear your problems.

Last week, the Christmas long weekend has been literally a long weekend to me. I lost my appetite, I couldn’t sleep well at night, and I sighed so many times during the days and nights. The situation remained along the weekdays until I decided to take my phone and reached out an old friend of mine. It was actually not a super big problem, but if I didn’t do anything, that problem would only get bigger and kill me inside.

And you know what… I was so right to get him for help! Around 4 hours chat and I felt so relieved. I finally slept well and ate a lot after waking up. I still had no clue what to do next, but at least, I simply knew that everything would be just fine.

Human was not created to live alone. I know that talking with someone can be risky. What if they can’t be trusted? Or what if they are not interested to listen to our problems? But still… we need someone to just sit and listen to us. It’s not about looking for their approvals or advice, it’s solely about us needing to let it out.

I used to be a very closed book person when I was teenager. And what was the result? I felt so lonely and so alone even when I was actually sitting in a crowded place. I am happier when I have someone to share my stories with. Believe me when I say, you are wiser when you are happier.

Find someone you can trust, a good listener who knows you well or willing to get to know you better, talk to them, and you will see how I am right about this matter.

2015 in a Glance

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Before I start with my first post about my life in 2016, I would want to write a farewell note to 2015. And of course, I want to write a little bit more about my life journey in 2015. It’s my 2015, in a glance.

Initially I thought, I would only write about how 2015 had been one rough year to me. My multiple failures, huge disappointments, and not to mention I had my heart broken (even twice!) during that year. After my glorious 2014, it felt like I was going nowhere in 2015. But then this morning, I woke up, looked back, and I simply thought, “Well, it was horrible, but it was not that bad.”

I meant, those horrible events was indeed devastating to me, but somehow, I managed to move on so fast instead of spending months to mourn it all. It’s just like, “Well… s*** happens, but that’s okay, I can try again anyway, or, I can find someone else anyway 😉 “

And you know what… apart from those heartbreaking moments, I still remember that 2015 was also the same year where I felt most grateful for all I have. I had a lot of prayers in 2015 where I only said, “Thank God for blessing me this much! I couldn’t ask for more.”

The whole point is that in 2015, I had come to learn that one bad event did not make my life entirely a bad one. And even those multiple failures did not necessarily mean my entire life was a failure either. I had really applied that kind of wise thought, “This is just a bad day, not a bad life. And this too, will pass.”

Anyhow on the other side, I also had quite a lot of good things happened to me in 2015. I met a few more new friends, I had the best and the most unforgettable trip to Greece, and if I’m promoted at work in January this year, it’s all because of my hard work during 2015, isn’t it? I’ll write more about my promotion later in this blog 😉

And one last thing, 2015 had been a year where I finally embraced the fact that I am not getting any younger, and I am proud of it! I love being a success 20 something girl, but I will also love being a mature and gracefully aged 30 something woman! And you know what… my 30th birthday in November this year will be HUGE! It’s a milestone to celebrate, isn’t it?

So finally, good bye 2015, thank you for the lessons, for the memories, I simply thank you for another awesome year of my life!

Happy new year for my blog readers and please don’t get bored visiting my blog 😀

Have a nice holiday!

Cool Stuffs You Can Say When You’re Older

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Seriously, getting old is not always scary at all. There are many cool stuffs that you only can say out loud after you have enough experiences to say so (read: after you’re getting older!).

You need me to give you some examples? Here we go!

  1. When you’re in an important meeting and you’ve got to introduce yourself, “Hi, I’m Riffa. I have more than 7 years working experiences at bla bla bla.” The longer you’ve worked, the more awesome it sounds 😉
  2. When you’re discussing about difficult stuffs at work, “Well, based on my past experience, it should be bla bla bla”
  3. When your staffs at work are amazed by your capability to read their mind, “I’m not a mind reader, it’s just that I’ve been doing this for years. I’ve learned a lot on how to read people’s expression and tones.”
  4. When you meet up with your old friends from high school, flashing back to your past, you’ll laugh out loud and say, “Oh my God! I can’t believe I was so stupid!” You probably will laugh at your own outfit back then and be grateful that you dress much better these days 😉
  5. When you’re sitting in the crowds and overhearing youngsters in school uniforms talking about ‘difficult stuffs in life’ or ‘a serious problem with boys’, you will roll your eyes and whisper, “Kids nowadays! What do they know about real life problems?”
  6. When your younger sister is brokenhearted, “I’ve been there before, this too will pass! Someday you’ll be grateful that you ditched him!”
  7. When you fall in love with the wrong person again, “No, not again. I’m just too old for the same old drama. If he wants me, he will make an effort, period.”
  8. When you talk about many random topics with others, some of it will remind you to your past trips. “I wish we had the same train like Shinkansen. It was awesome, you barely feel that the train was moving so fast!” Or, “That movie was taken in Oia Village, Santorini. The caldera and the deep blue sea was mind blowing!” The older you are, the more places you can tell about!
  9. When you’re discussing something important with your parents, your opinion finally matters! Your Mom will really listen when you say, “Mom, please, listen…”
  10. When you show your pictures when you were still a teenager to a colleague, “See? I have aged gracefully, hehehehe.”
  11. Finally, when you look at your picture when you were just born, you’ll look at that old photograph and say to yourself, “You will have a wonderful life ahead, you will have a cool job, visit beautiful places, and meet a lot of amazing people in your life. It’s not gonna be easy, but it’s awesome!”

Don’t let your age stresses you out. Every age of our life is exciting! See it from the bright side and be happy with it!

Happy weekend and have a blast!

When You’re in Love with Somebody…

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Do you know that when people says “I’m in love with you”, it actually means deeper than someone who just says, “I love you”? I couldn’t really tell the difference between those two until just recently. I suddenly realize that once you are in love with somebody, you’ll never ever find a way out of it.

After you let go of someone you’re in love with, the truth is… you never really stop loving that person. You’re only moving on because you have no choice. You don’t really forget him out of your mind, you’re just getting used to live your life without him. Someday you will move on, find someone new, but that person… he will always has that one little spot deep inside your heart.

When you only loved somebody, someday you can forget your feeling for him and ask yourself, “Why the hell did I fall for him?” At some point, you will stop mentioning his name, you even no longer get excited hearing anything about his life. However I’m afraid, the same thing would never happen with someone you were in love.

That one special guy will always be a benchmark for your next boyfriend, or perhaps, for your future husband too. There are those good qualities that you wish you will find in your Mr. Right. At the end of the day, it may be that guy from the past who determines the way you define someone as your future Mr. Right.

As the time goes by, some things in your heart may never change. No matter how happy you are with your new love life, you will still want to look pretty when you know he will be around. For some things in life, his opinions still matter to you. You’re also still interested to learn how his life is going. To put it in a context, you will be interested to see how his fiancé looks like. You will secretly judge her and compare her with yourself. You hate that you do it, but you will still do it anyway.

The most unpleasant thing that may happen is when you start remembering him at the lowest points of your life. You couldn’t help but wondering… what if you did something differently back in the past? What if you and or he tried harder? How would your life turn out if it were him that spends life together with you?

And then many years from now, once or twice in your lifetime, you will tell your children, or perhaps your grandchildren, a story about how you used to love someone when you were younger. A love story to make them learn that we can’t always have what we want to have. You will also tell them that everything happened for a reason. And the lessons you learned from loving and losing somebody is simply the reason why it all happened: to make you a better person, and to make you cherish the one who stays in love with you with all your flaws.

I know it can be terrifying if everything I tell you in this blog is true. It may be right, it may be wrong. Anyhow for me, even if it’s truly happening in my own life, I believe I shouldn’t be worried at all. Why? Because I’m a believer that human’s heart is capable to be in love with more than just one person 🙂

To be in love with someone is a gift. Not everyone is capable to love that big, deep, genuine, and pure. It’s that kind of love that will give you your own fairy tale. You and him may not end up together, but if it gives you a beautiful memory and if it makes you grow up gracefully inside, then I can tell it’s also a happy ending, isn’t it?

Forget the pain, just be grateful that you used to feel that way. Only the girls with a big heart inside has the privilege to feel it at least once in her lifetime 🙂

 

I’m Glad and I’m Proud of Getting Older

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For most people, getting old is terrifying. But to me, getting closer to 30 is awesome! I will be 29 by Monday next week and I would never ever wish to be younger than I am.

I’m proud of what I’ve achieved in the 29 years of my life. The older I am, the more battles I’ve won. The more struggles I’ve survived. The more and more dreams that have come true!

I’m proud of the things I’ve learned in life. I know best how hard I’ve tried to make myself keep getting better and better. I really hope, the older I am, the wiser I’ve become.

I’m proud of finding myself. I know what I want in life, I know what I deserve, I know what kind of life that I want to live in. I’m relieved that I’m no longer one of those ‘lost girls’ searching for identity.

I’m happy and I’m thankful for the wonderful people I’ve met my entire life. The ones who believe in me even more than I believe in myself, the ones who get my back even when I never ask for protection, and the ones who stay with me in better and worse. The longer I live, the more I know how precious they are.

Every stage in life is worth living.

When you were a kid and bruised your knees.

When you were a teenager and skipped your class.

When you were a newbie employee and so naive.

And then now, when you’re about thirty with those fine lines around your eyes.

I’m glad that I live long enough to go to the places I always dreamed of. Long enough to be the very best of me that I always wanted to be. And long enough to see how I’ve put a lot of smiles on my parents’ faces. And I hope, I will still live long enough to make the most of my own life.

Sometimes, All that We Need is Just a Break

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Last Friday was really one of those exhausting days in life. So many things went wrong, everything ran so fast that I barely had a moment to breath, so many plans didn’t work out in a way I desired, so little times yet so many works remained undone… Not to mention that I literally feel extremely tired everytime I wake up from sleep in the morning.

At some point, I couldn’t help myself but wondering… When will this madness end? Will it ever end in the first place?

But then on Saturday, I had a lovely day. After being occupied with lots of works for a while, I finally had a chance to do one thing that I always love to do: went shopping. As much as I love shopping online; which I did a lot more often lately, walk along the mall and carry the shopping bags on my own hands are somehow irreplaceable.

I love the sounds of the hangers in a small boutique. The smell of new books in a bookstore. I love hunting, fitting, and paying for the stuffs I love to buy. And just like that, I forgot my things to do back at work. I forgot how stressful this life can be. I forgot all the disappointment and failure that brought me down. And then at the end of the day, I asked myself, why should I want this madness to end? My life is running so fast, but thanks to that, it also brought me faster to the things I always dreamed of in life.

You know… that last shopping day was actually no ordinary shopping day. It was a shopping trip to buy the things I need for the upcoming vacation trip by the end of this week.

I bought a pair of sandals, and when I did, I picture myself walking on a white sandy beach. I also bought a new beach bag that fits my snorkel, and when I saw it, all that I could think of was the beauty of under the sea. I also bought a sunblock, travel size toiletries, medicines, all of the small things that will come in handy during my trip!

All that joys on last Saturday has told me this one big thing: I simply need a break. It’s not about my job, it’s not about the battles I’ve lost, it’s not about me having no idea about my own life. It’s simply about me doing all other things that I love to do. I love working and pursuing my dreams, but a nonstop run will only kill myself. It’s just like traveling. No matter how much I love it, a nonstop trip will only make me dying over a boredom.

I need to wake up in a beautiful place knowing that a new adventure will soon begin. I need to wander and get lost and made a discovery along the way. I need to jump off to the water and make that blue sea as my pool. I need to go to bed at night knowing that I still have another day to travel and even later in my last night, I will be able to tell myself that I’m ready to get back to my real and wonderful life back at home.

Again sometimes, all that we need is just a break, a very good one. Reward ourselves for all the hard works, the sleepless nights, and all the pain and tears we had along the journey. Relax, have fun, and when I’m back, I will be in my very best state to figure out the next best thing in life. What’s next? What do I really want? And how do I get there? Well, let’s keep those questions until my vacations ends! 😉

Happy Monday and happy holiday for those who celebrate! 🙂