When Was the Last Time I Cried?

Last night, I had a headache when I still had to work on something in the office. I decided to take a rest on the couch for a while. Right when I closed my eyes, in between of asleep and awake, I asked myself, “When was the last time I cried?”

I couldn’t find the answer. It’s been a day and I still can’t seem to remember the right answer. It must have been so long time ago and somehow, that surprises me!

I’ve just gone through what I call as the hardest months of my life and I didn’t shed the tears, not even once!

My best friend betrayed me and so did some other people I relied on. Someone whom I thought I had something with surprisingly told me that I was wrong and that he only admired me as a person. Endless long nights in the office and many other real life dramas I never thought would ever happen to me.

As I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I wondered and I asked myself, “How could I be so strong?”

I can’t really find just one good answer to that question.

Maybe, it’s because I’m happier with my life so that I refuse to let anything take the happiness away from me.

Maybe, I’ve come to learn a lot about life, about people, and about myself. I know that just because I made mistakes, it doesn’t mean I deserved all the disappointments. I don’t need to be too hard on myself.

Maybe, it’s also because all these events have helped me to find out who really matters in my life. It helped me to distinguish the best friends and the enemies. It even helped me to build a stronger bond with the people who trully care about me.

Or maybe, it’s only because I realize, and I’ve accepted, that my life will never ever be perfect. I have so many things to be thankful. I’m living a life I always wanted for myself. And I’ve worked so hard, so damn hard, to be who I am right now. I’m not perfect, my life is not perfect, but that’s okay.

So maybe, just maybe, all the reasons above have made feel like I didn’t have any reason to cry. I will cry when I lose my real friends and families, but the people who didn’t even care about how I feel? Are they worth crying for? Well, I don’t think so!

Some people I know are too scared of growing old. But me? I enjoyed being a 30’s! At the end of the day, it’s the life experience that teaches me how to survive and to stay happy all along. And it took times until I got it right! I’m glad that I’m no longer a young lady crying alone in an empty office in the middle of the night! I’m glad that not only I’m getting older, but also that I’m growing as a person.

Pick your problems. Pick your reasons to cry. And you’ll be just fine. Insyaallah.

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