A journey to remember

Kenapa Kita Harus Belajar Memaafkan?

Posted on: October 21, 2016

Waktu jaman sekolah dulu, gue pernah sebal banget dengan teori bahwa jika kita tidak mau memaafkan, maka dosa orang yang kita benci itu akan berpindah kepada kita. Pikir gue, tidak adil dan tidak masuk akal! Bagaimana jika memang orang yang bersangkutan yang berbuat salah dan menyakiti perasaan kita?

Seiring berjalannya waktu, sedikit demi sedikit, gue mulai belajar untuk memaafkan orang lain. Bukan soal dosa atau tidak dosa, tapi lebih karena kesadaran atas alasan kenapa gue harus bisa memaafkan kesalahan orang lain. Apa saja alasannya?

  1. Karena bisa jadi, orang lain menyakiti gue karena gue sendiri yang pernah terlebih dulu menyakiti perasaan mereka;
  2. Karena tidak ada manusia yang sempurna, termasuk diri gue sendiri. Jika gue ingin dimaafkan atas segala kesalahan gue, maka gue juga harus bersedia memaafkan orang lain atas segala kesalahan mereka;
  3. Karena tidak seharusnya gue membiarkan keburukan seseorang membuat gue melupakan kebaik-kebaikan mereka sebelumnya;
  4. Gue hanya akan menghabiskan masa tua seorang diri jika gue tidak mau memaafkan orang lain di sekitar gue. Apalagi kenyataannya, semakin dekat seseorang, semakin besar kemungkinan mereka menyakiti perasaan kita;
  5. Memaki-maki orang yang gue benci (terutama jika dilakukan di depan umum, termasuk social media) hanya akan membuat gue sendiri yang terlihat menyebalkan di mata orang lain;
  6. Saat gue belajar memaafkan orang lain, gue belajar memaafkan diri gue sendiri; dan
  7. Yang paling penting, membenci dan menyimpan amarah hanya akan melukai perasaan gue sendiri. Bukan melukai orang yang gue benci, tapi melukai diri gue sendiri.

Bagaimana jika konflik yang menimpa kita itu murni kesalahan orang yang bersangkutan? Kebohongan mereka, fitnah mereka, dan lain sebagainya… Buat gue tetap sama saja; maafkan segera setelah kita berhenti ‘berduka’ (malah sebetulnya, semakin cepat, semakin baik!).

Setiap orang bertumbuh dengan cara yang berbeda-beda. Ada yang masih labil dan mencari jati diri. Ada yang masih belum makan banyak asam garam yang dapat mendewasakan kepribadian mereka. Dan ada pula yang hanya khilaf yang karena sedang tertekan dengan banyak masalah dalam hidup mereka sendiri. Gue sendiri pernah banyak menyakiti perasaan orang lain dalam proses pembelajaran itu, dan sekali lagi, jika gue ingin dimaklumi dan dimaafkan, maka gue juga harus bisa memaklumi dan melupakan. Dan bisa jadi, dengan kita memaafkan bisa membantu mereka untuk belajar dari kesalahan mereka, atau bahkan, membantu mereka untuk ikut belajar memaafkan.

Belajar memaafkan itu rasa-rasanya salah satu “proyek seumur hidup” buat diri gue sendiri. Awalnya, gue mulai dari belajar untuk tidak terlalu membenci orang lain. Dulunya, gue bisa benci sama orang lain sampai sekedar mendengar suaranya saja gue sudah sebal! Kemudian sekarang, gue belajar untuk tidak melulu lari dari kenyataan. Tidak menegur orang yang gue benci (padahal jelas-jelas saling berpapasan!) itu sudah benar-benar terlalu “ABG” untuk perempuan seusia gue. Kenyataannya, menghindari orang-orang yang menyakiti gue tidak membuat gue “sembuh” dari luka hati itu. Memaafkan (atau setidaknya mencoba untuk memaafkan) adalah satu-satunya cara untuk menyembuhkan sakit hati gue sendiri.

Memang benar ada beberapa luka yang terlalu dalam sehingga segalanya mungkin tidak akan pernah lagi kembali sama. Memang benar ada beberapa luka yang butuh waktu lama untuk kita bisa melupakannya. Tapi setidaknya, belajar untuk mencoba memaafkan selalu bisa jadi obat ampuh untuk menyembuhkan. Membantu mengembalikan fokus kita kepada hidup kita sendiri ketimbang sedikit-sedikit sibuk mengamati hidup orang lain yang kita benci… Semakin cepat kita memaafkan, semakin hidup kita kembali berbahagia.

When a deep injury is done to us, we’ll never heal until we forgive – Nelson Mandela.

Forgive, even if they don’t ask for forgiveness. You do it for you, for yourself, to set you free. 

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2 Responses to "Kenapa Kita Harus Belajar Memaafkan?"

such as good quote mbak riffa
kata-kata mbak riffa selalu jd motivasi buatku.. Sukses selalu mbak dan ditunggu update blognya 😊

Hi Deriz

Thanks for letting me know! Jadi memotivasi untuk nulis lebih banyak 🙂

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I used to read a quote written by my former lecture saying that even a bad decision would always be much better than no decision at all. It reminded me of the decisions I put on hold and I asked myself, “What prevents me from making all those decisions?” I could instantly listed down many personal reasons that didn’t even sound good to myself. So there I made a couple of decisions; the good ones and the bad ones, and apparently it was so true: even bad decision was still better than no decision at all. First of all, it helped me to move on. I no longer waited for this and that; I made decisions and I started to make the actions. It also gave me a peace of mind knowing that I owed nothing to anyone, not even to myself. And most importantly, all those decisions made me learn, notably the bad ones. It’s not that I intentionally made a bad one, but well, how did I know my decision was bad until I gave it a try? Ever since the day I decided to stop putting my decisions on hold, my life felt a lot lighter and I have never been more proud of myself. Other people might not be happy with my decisions, but I only do what I’ve got to do and they can’t blame me for having courage to do the things they’re not willing to do. If it holds me back and nobody wants to make the call, then let me do the honor. It’s actually that simple, and again, it sets me free.
My biggest career goal is always running my own business. I have been an entrepreneur even since I was a seven years old. I was never hesitate everytime I saw an opportunity to earn some cash to buy toys and comic books. Graduating from college and starting my first corporate job has stopped me from doing my own business. I was too busy to do something else beside my main job. I tried to run a small jewelry business but then I got bored. I came to learn that if I want to start a business, I have to do something bigger. But of course, a bigger scale own business will also require a bigger effort! The comfort of corporate job made me decide to postpone starting a new business until at some point, it was no longer comforting to me. I still remember one night I went home feeling extremely upset with my boss and I just told myself, “I can’t do this forever. I can do much better than working for a jerk.” Right at that moment, I decided to start my biggest dream: starting my own business. Not so long after that, @thelenstory was born.
There is this one little secret about @thelenstory. There was one particular guy who made me fall deeper with photography. He was so talented he could make an old dirty lamp look beautifully glow in his pictures. I still remember that day on a boat, he took pictures of me and he smiled behind his lens. That kind of smile that made me feel the prettiest girl on earth. I didn’t know why but I just loved seeing this guy holding his camera. I even still loved it when he took pictures of me with his grumpy face! At the end of the day, The Lens Story is way more than just a girl who fell in love. The ups and downs, and all lifetime savings that I’ve spent have been the greatest leap of faith I’ve ever taken in my entire life. That one guy from my past was just a starting point. He was my inspiration, he made me believe that there were many hidden talents like him out there and I would be more than happy to help them start their professional career in photography. That was the very beginning story on how my start-up was born, and to me, that will always be one of my favorite stories to tell.

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What my blog is all about? It's all about my life; my very own fairy tale, that I would love to share. This is my story, my ups and downs, it's a journey to remember.

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