Don’t Let Your Insecurity Hurt You (and the People Around You)

Living as an ugly duckling and having lots of doubts on myself? Been there done that. I was like an ugly duckling inside out so many years back. I know for sure how it used to hurt myself as much as it hurt the people around me. It hurt me in a way it made me feel bad on everything (even the good things!) and it hurt others as I pushed them away, harmed them with the words I said, and it was all only because I was not comfort of being myself.

Do you want me to write you a precise example?

When we believe we are ugly, just one person criticizing our pimples will hurt us badly. Just one critic is enough to make us hate them for speaking up their mind.

When we believe that we are a mediocre, one feedback from the boss will make us feel like we’re losing. We’ll start despising the boss, or maybe, we’ll hate anyone else who’s capable to win the competition.

When we believe that we are not lovable, just one fight will make us walk away. We tend to think it’s better to leave rather than being left behind.

When we believe that we are a loser, we tend to refuse to celebrate our victories. It feels like we’re just being lucky. Or whatsoever.

And what’s even worst, when we believe that our life is full of failures, we may end up hating everyone who seems to be doing so well with their life.

It’s actually okay to feel insecure. When I know I’m insecure on something, I immediately know that I have something to fix, to improve, to work on. Having said that, it’s never okay to let our insecurities hurt the innocent people around us.

Don’t be too comfort with your flaws. It only makes your insecurity scaling up to the higher level. If you know that you’re not comfort with something in yourself, then do something about it.

If you’re a student and you’re ashamed of your GPA, study harder. You may want to learn from the straight A students. They are not magically smarter than you, they only work harder than you do.

If you’re an employee and you’re not proud of your own works, then go asking your boss the things that you can do to improve your performance. Bad mouth your colleague won’t do you any good. It’s only a proof that you don’t deserve any better return from the Company.

If you’re a child, sibling, girlfriend/boyfriend, husband/wife to someone and you don’t feel like you’re loved enough, it’s always okay to ask them how they feel about you. Being cranky, silent treatment, or testing them with this and that will never send them the message. Or maybe, you can tell them that you love them first. If being honest about your feeling scares them away, then why would you want to be with them anyway.

If you’re not comfort with your body size, work out and eat less. If you’re not confident with your pimples, find the cure and get rid of your bad habits. Either find the solution or just live happily with it. Being a hater will never make us any prettier 😉

And if you don’t feel good about your personality, then do something to make you feel better. You know your problems and you know best how to fix it. You only need a strong will and a strong effort to make it happen.

Live your life with your very best efforts on everything. Your happiness, your achievements, and your future all lays on yourself. If you can’t make you feel good about yourself, then nobody can. Stop making excuses and just start with your very first move, starting from now!

We’re not the God, Don’t Judge Too Much

Belum lama ini, gue curi-curi dengar obrolan beberapa orang di meja makan sebelah di salah satu restoran di Kota Kasablanka. Salah satu cewek di kelompok itu bilang begini, “Rumah dia kemalingan pasti karena kurang banyak sedekahnya!”

Gue cukup kaget mendengarnya. Orang kena musibah kok, bukannya bersimpati malah dituduh yang bukan-bukan? Lagipula, dia itu kan bukan Tuhan, maka dari mana dia bisa tahu segala-galanya tentang amal-ibadah temannya itu?

Percakapan mereka mengingatkan gue dengan salah satu teman lama. Saat orang lain tertimpa musibah, dia akan langsung bilang, “Itu karmanya dia karena bla bla bla.” Tapi saat gantian dia sendiri yang sedang punya masalah, dengan entengnya dia cuma bilang, “Kesabaran gue sedang diuji sama Tuhan.”

Memang benar ujian itu ada banyak ‘penyebabnya’. Bisa jadi teguran dari Tuhan, ujian atas kesabaran, dan lain sebagainya. Tapi sekali lagi, bagaimanapun, hanya Tuhan yang Maha Mengetahui, bukan manusia!

Saat kita terkena musibah, entah itu hilangnya harta benda, kehilangan pekerjaan, penyakit, kecelakaan, dan lain sebagainya, tidak ada salahnya kita instropeksi diri. Teguran atas kelalaian kita kah? Balasan karena pernah menyakiti perasaan orang lain kah? Atau memang bisa jadi hanya sekedar ujian kehidupan saja. Toh pada akhirnya, enggak pernah ada manusia yang hidupnya selalu lancar-lancar saja!

Akan tetapi, jika musibah tersebut jatuh menimpa orang yang kita kenal, lebih baik kita bersimpati daripada berkomentar yang hanya akan memperkeruh suasana. Tidak perlu menyebarkan opini yang belum tentu kebenerannya (ini jatuhnya bisa jadi fitnah lho). Tidak usah sibuk menduga-duga karena kita tidak tahu segala-galanya. Jika kita tidak bisa menghibur atau membantu mengurangi beban mereka, maka, sekedar diam saja sudah lebih dari cukup.

Don’t play God. Don’t judge too much.