There are so many things happened recently that pushes me to make some kind of life-changing decisions. And I really hate it when it comes to make such important decision. It feels like I no longer know myself. I suddenly don’t know what I really want for my own life. I was confused until this morning, I looked into my phone screen and realized that I hadn’t changed the wallpaper for ages. I still used the picture of my previous office room’s decoration that I took over than one year ago!
Then I opened the picture gallery in my phone, looking for a new picture to be set as my wallpaper. I kept scrolling up until I found a candid photo shoot from a couple months ago. That was not the first time I saw that picture of me yet somehow, it still blew my mind. It was just an ordinary picture taken by my cousin using my iPhone 5. A candid picture taken right while I was laughing outloud. I looked so happy and my life seems so easy! I did still remember how I ever loved this picture just because of that reason.
That day, I had a fine afternoon with my families in a beautiful place in Bandung. I happened to visit its playground to look after my little nephew. When my sister came to play with his son, I walked to a wooden swing and played with it for a while. The breeze on my face, the beautiful surrounding, and the euphoria of playing with a swing after a quite long time made me feel so happy. I laughed at my nephew from the swing and right at that moment, my cousin captured this beautiful picture.
I know that it’s not an award winning photo or something, but seeing that picture is somehow comforting to me. It’s not that I have an awful life, it’s just that I’m happy to see me happy. I decided to use that picture as my new wallpaper and everytime I looked at it all day today, this picture just never failed to attract myself.
And then tonight, I was on the way back home, I took my phone from my bag, and there I saw this picture again. I looked at how bright and shiny and happy I was. Then again, it reminded me to that one beautiful afternoon with my families. Just like that, I suddenly knew what I really wanted in life. I only want to have a lot more beautiful days in my life. I want to smile and laugh a lot more and more. I want to have more of that moment where I whisper to myself, “I’m so happy with my life and I can’t be more grateful than this.”
Again, it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with the life I already have, it’s just that now I know how a best decision looks like. It may not look glamorous, fancy, or anything like that, not either the easiest or prettiest option I may ever have, but it should be the one that I know will bring joy into my life. I know that I may be wrong, but I will also know that I have chosen what’s best to myself. I think it’s one of the moments where people say when you know, you know.
Now that I know what I want, then it’s time for me to go and get what I really want! Finger cross!