10 Alasan Untuk Tidak Selalu Mendengar Pendapat Orang Lain

Setahun belakangan ini, gue mulai belajar untuk tidak selalu mendengarkan pendapat orang lain tentang diri gue sendiri. I know that it sounds arrogant and stubborn, but believe it or not, it has made my life feel lighter, happier, and for some reasons, it has even brought myself to the next level of my life.

Semakin gue bertahan dengan prinsip ini, semakin gue yakin bahwa gue sudah melakukan hal yang benar. Apa alasannya?

  1. 99% pendapat orang lain akan tetap ada unsur subjektifnya. Mereka berpendapat berdasarkan sudut pandang, pengalaman, dan pola pikir mereka sendiri. Padahal kenyataannya, sesuatu yang baik untuk mereka belum tentu baik untuk gue juga;
  2. Bagaimanapun, pengalaman pribadi tetap merupakan guru terbaik untuk diri gue sendiri. I’m open for any suggestion, but I should be the one who decides since I know better what works and will never work to me;
  3. Satu-satunya orang yang pernah merasakan semua suka duka dalam hidup gue juga tetap hanya gue seorang. Orang lain boleh saja ngotot, tapi tetap gue yang paling tahu kapasitas diri gue sendiri. What is acceptable to me, what makes me happy, what I like and dislike, and so on;
  4. Tidak semua pendapat yang diberikan orang lain bersifat membangun. Selalu ada saja pendapat yang hanya diucapkan atas dasar rasa iri dan sifat-sifat buruk lainnya. Jika niatnya saja sudah tidak baik, maka untuk apa didengarkan?
  5. Banyak kritik yang diberikan orang lain dengan tujuan untuk membuat gue jadi ‘turun level’. Misalnya, orang-orang yang menganggap gue terlalu strict padahal sebenarnya, mereka hanya malas untuk melakukan sesuatu dengan benar. It’s not worth listening, not at all;
  6. Ada pula kritik yang gue terima hanya demi keuntungan pribadi mereka sendiri. They try to make me feel so bad that I’ll be willing to do everything in their favor;
  7. Mendengarkan aspirasi tim bukan berarti harus bisa mewujudkan keinginan semua orang. Berusaha menyenangkan semua orang hanya akan membuat gue menjadi leader yang tidak punya pendirian. Selain tidak efektif, hal seperti ini juga hanya akan bikin gue jadi capek sendiri;
  8. Terkadang, orang lain terlalu mudah menarik kesimpulan tentang hidup yang gue jalani. Hanya curhatan sesekali, mereka langsung bilang hidup gue unhappy. Kalau mau didengarkan, dari yang tadinya baik-baik saja, gue malah bisa jadi berpikiran, “Is there something wrong with my life?”
  9. Membuat keputusan berdasarkan my best judgment akan menutup peluang gue untuk menyalahkan orang lain jika segala sesuatunya tidak berjalan mulus. Lagipula toh, belum tentu orang yang ngotot memberi saran kelak mau bertanggung jawab atas pendapatnya itu…
  10. Gue sudah sangat sibuk dengan ‘to do list’ dari diri gue sendiri. Gue udah punya banyak banget hal-hal yang sedang gue coba perbaiki dari diri gue ini. Memenuhi personal goals gue saja sudah luar biasa susahnya, apalagi kalau gue harus memenuhi ‘to do list’ dari orang lain juga?

Beda orang, beda pula pendapat pribadinya. Kalau mau selalu didengarkan, maka tidak akan pernah habisnya! Gue sudah tidak pernah lagi membuat keputusan penting murni hanya karena pendapat orang lain. Kalau pun akhirnya gue menerima pendapat orang lain, maka keputusan itu gue buat atas kesadaran dan keinginan dari gue sendiri, bukan semata-mata demi memenuhi keinginan orang lain…

Jadi kalo menurut gue, selama kita sudah berupaya untuk memperbaiki diri kita sendiri, maka tidak usah pedulikan pendapat orang lain soal kepribadian kita ini. Hal yang sama juga berlaku dalam dunia kerja. Jika usaha terbaik kita juga sudah membuahkan hasil yang baik untuk perusahaan, maka tidak perlu lagi dibuat pusing dengan pendapat orang lain. Lalu yang paling penting, jangan biarkan pendapat orang lain membuat kita merasa serba kurang! Gaji kita kurang besar, pacar kita kurang ganteng, baju kita kurang keren, dsb dsb.

Whatever we do in life, people will always have something to say and hater will hate anyway. Since we can’t change the way people will behave, at least, we can definitely change the way we react and deal with the situation. We know better, God knows best, and I believe, it’s all that we need to keep going in live.

Have a nice Sunday!

Are You Really in Love? Maybe, You Only Love the Idea of Falling in Love

A few weeks back, a friend of mine once asked me, “Do you really fall in love with him or you’re just being in love with the idea of falling in love?”

To be frank, I didn’t really get her point back then. I didn’t even know if such a thing does exist in a real life. It’s not like I’m living in an imaginary world, a TV show or some random chic lit, right? I wasn’t sure I understood her statement, until one day, I saw something that lead me to understand her point of view.

So I happened to know a couple who kept saying to everyone how they were in love with each other. That kind of couple who made people envy or wonder themselves for being single. I thought all of those romances were real, until someday, I accidentally found out the true things happened behind their closed door.

I won’t share with you the details in this blog, it was simply the moment where I knew that everything was not as perfect as it seemed. It was not even close to the perfection as I thought beforehand. And then, I just couldn’t help thinking if everything I saw was fake.

The more I think about it, the more I understand why people says that sometimes, we’re just in love with the idea of falling in love. It’s not that they’re faking it, they’re just wanting to feel good about their own relationship. They want to prove themselves and everyone else that they are indeed falling for the right person. And then when I looked around, I suddenly could see that it might have happened to anyone of us.

Sometimes, we don’t really like that guy that we just met. We’re just glad to have someone to date at Saturday night.

There’s also a chance that we don’t really want to be with that particular person. Deep in our heart, we only want to have someone who wants us badly.

Or maybe, we say that we’re in love because we only want to tell the world that we’re finally taken. We simply miss the euphoria of telling everyone how we’re falling for someone new.

The other chances are that we love to have someone who looks after us. The one who calls us every night until we fall asleep. Who knows that we only need to admit that we love to be seen together with someone on our Path, Facebook, or Twitter account. We love the idea that after such a long search, we have finally found the one.

And when the reality is not as perfect as we have in mind, when the romance never turns as beautiful as we saw in a TV show, we tend to tell our families and friends the other way around just to heal a little bit of disappointment that we feel inside. Maybe we don’t lie, we ‘only’ exaggerate every little detail to make it look good and therefore, it will also make us feel a little bit better.

We keep playing the drama until finally, we can’t tell ourselves if we truly love the person, or maybe, we’re already lost in a thought that we fall for that one person.

Well if that’s the case, maybe some of you will start asking yourself, “How do I know if my love is real?”

It’s a tough question for me as I don’t really think that I have the right answer to that question. However I believe, if we’re all being honest to ourselves, we will eventually find our respective answer. Maybe, we either need to give it some times, do something to fix all the things that have gone wrong, or simply to stop lying to ourselves and go find something real.

Finally, everytime you find yourself in doubt, always do remember this basic rule to live by: life is too short to be spent with the wrong one! Let’s find ‘the one’ and live our life to the fullest!

Happy weekend!

My New Personal Goals

In the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking about the person that I want to become. About the way I talk, the way I react, the way I express everything I feel inside my heart… I can’t help but wondering… have I done the right things? The best things for myself? Have I tried hard enough to pursue my personal goals?

The more achievements you’ve won, the more pressures you’ve got to deal in life. And the more pressures you have, the more difficult for you to handle yourself. It’s so human and it can happen to anyone of us. Yet again, I just can’t help questioning myself… have I done my very best to be the very best version of me?

Most of the time I think, it will be very elegant if I’m capable to stay clam even when all things around me are going crazy. People may annoy me, deadlines may be just around the corner, but I wish I could just stay calm. I want to be able to focus with the problem solving rather than yelling at the people for the things that they did wrong. Fix the problems first and talk later.

I also want to find a way to say, “You’re stupid” without being sarcastic. It’s always important to stop people doing the stupid things that will put everyone in trouble, but I really need to find a better way to deliver the words. It’s not cool if preventing stupid things to happen made me end up as a jerk myself. You know… people may forget the things that we say and do, but they will never forget the way that we make them feel.

And finally, I really need to find a way to quit from the dramas. Most of the time, it’s not me creating those dramas in the first place. It’s other people looking for small trouble, annoys me behind everyone’s back, and then when I’m pissed, they will tell the world with their innocent faces, “She’s such a drama queen.”

Being in tough situation is of course nothing new to me, but somehow, it feels like I’ve got to find a new way to deal with it. What lead me to that thought?

  1. Society can be so unfair. The bad guy is always the one who punches first, and the victim is always the one who cries the loudest. If I want to win the game, then I need to be the expert on it; and
  2. Being out of control brings me regret afterward. The sarcasm, the yells, the uncontrolled anger, and the decisions I made when I was angry… those are the things that I wish I never did.

I know that people won’t believe that I’m capable of achieving these new personal goals. Anger problems are indeed on my blood already. However, even if it takes months, years, or maybe forever, but as long as I try to do my best, then I believe there will be no such a thing like wasted effort.

Best of luck to me!