A journey to remember

It’s Just Not Now

Posted on: November 11, 2010

 

Kemaren gue sengaja pulang sejam lebih awal dari kantor. Sekitar jam 10 malem gue udah sampe rumah. Pikir gue, gue pengen tidur lebih awal soalnya belakangan ini tuh gue sering banget ngantuk. Ngantuknya bukan ngantuk normal yang biasa gue alamin kalo abis makan siang. Ngantuk yang bener-bener pengen tidur dan bisa berulang sampe berkali-kali dalam sehari.

Sampe rumah gue makan malem dulu, iseng-iseng nyalain tv buat nemenin gue makan. Abis makan gue langsung ke kamar mandi dengan tv masih nyala. Abis itu, bukannya langsung tidur, gue malah bengong di depan tv. There was one thing I refused to think about during the day. I preferred to finish my job and have fun with my friends all day long in the office.

Tapi seperti biasa… begitu gue udah tinggal sendiri, this thing was the only one thing which cross my mind. Setelah bosan dengan pikiran gue sendiri, gue berniat matiin tv terus pergi tidur. Tapi… gue lihat di layar tv, ada satu film layar lebar yang baru aja mau mulai di stasiun tv itu.

Gue langsung diem… Film itu, film yang punya kenangan tersendiri buat gue. Kenangan yang highly related sama permasalahan yang lagi sibuk gue pikirin malam itu. Akhirnya gue nggak jadi matiin tv. Gue nonton film itu… sampe akhirnya gue ngantuk dan tertidur, jam 1 pagi…

Alhasil tadi pagi gue bangun dengan kepala pusing, badan lemes, dan masih mengantuk setengah mati. Setelah shalat Subuh, gue tidur lagi dan baru bangun jam setengah delapan pagi… Ternyata keadaan masih sama aja: lemes, pusing, nggak bersemangat… dan gue kembali teringat permasalahan sialan yang gue pikirin tadi malam.

Sambil duduk manis di ruang makan, dengan setengah piring nasi uduk yang enggak berhasil menggugah selera makan, gue berpikir, “Gue udah capek.”

Gue udah berhasil melewati begitu banyak hari-hari menyebalkan beberapa bulan belakangan ini. Udah terlalu lama. Sok-sok an menghadapi apa yang belum siap gue hadapin cuma bakal narik gue buat balik lagi ke hari-hari menyebalkan itu.

I’ve had enough. Gue nggak mau lagi mengulang pola naik-turun yang sama, yang ujung-ujungnya selalu bikin gue kecewa. Gue udah capek berpikir, “Siapa tahu kali ini keadaannya akan berbeda.” Karena kenyataannya, yang terjadi tidak akan pernah sesuai dengan apa yang gue harapkan.

Jadi ya sudahlah… Udah waktunya gue bener-bener nerima kenyataan bahwa gue emang nggak akan selalu mendapatkan apapun yang gue inginkan. I might be a coward, but I’m just not brave enough to face reality yet. I’m not ready, not now.

 

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I used to read a quote written by my former lecture saying that even a bad decision would always be much better than no decision at all. It reminded me of the decisions I put on hold and I asked myself, “What prevents me from making all those decisions?” I could instantly listed down many personal reasons that didn’t even sound good to myself. So there I made a couple of decisions; the good ones and the bad ones, and apparently it was so true: even bad decision was still better than no decision at all. First of all, it helped me to move on. I no longer waited for this and that; I made decisions and I started to make the actions. It also gave me a peace of mind knowing that I owed nothing to anyone, not even to myself. And most importantly, all those decisions made me learn, notably the bad ones. It’s not that I intentionally made a bad one, but well, how did I know my decision was bad until I gave it a try? Ever since the day I decided to stop putting my decisions on hold, my life felt a lot lighter and I have never been more proud of myself. Other people might not be happy with my decisions, but I only do what I’ve got to do and they can’t blame me for having courage to do the things they’re not willing to do. If it holds me back and nobody wants to make the call, then let me do the honor. It’s actually that simple, and again, it sets me free.
My biggest career goal is always running my own business. I have been an entrepreneur even since I was a seven years old. I was never hesitate everytime I saw an opportunity to earn some cash to buy toys and comic books. Graduating from college and starting my first corporate job has stopped me from doing my own business. I was too busy to do something else beside my main job. I tried to run a small jewelry business but then I got bored. I came to learn that if I want to start a business, I have to do something bigger. But of course, a bigger scale own business will also require a bigger effort! The comfort of corporate job made me decide to postpone starting a new business until at some point, it was no longer comforting to me. I still remember one night I went home feeling extremely upset with my boss and I just told myself, “I can’t do this forever. I can do much better than working for a jerk.” Right at that moment, I decided to start my biggest dream: starting my own business. Not so long after that, @thelenstory was born.
There is this one little secret about @thelenstory. There was one particular guy who made me fall deeper with photography. He was so talented he could make an old dirty lamp look beautifully glow in his pictures. I still remember that day on a boat, he took pictures of me and he smiled behind his lens. That kind of smile that made me feel the prettiest girl on earth. I didn’t know why but I just loved seeing this guy holding his camera. I even still loved it when he took pictures of me with his grumpy face! At the end of the day, The Lens Story is way more than just a girl who fell in love. The ups and downs, and all lifetime savings that I’ve spent have been the greatest leap of faith I’ve ever taken in my entire life. That one guy from my past was just a starting point. He was my inspiration, he made me believe that there were many hidden talents like him out there and I would be more than happy to help them start their professional career in photography. That was the very beginning story on how my start-up was born, and to me, that will always be one of my favorite stories to tell.

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About Me

What my blog is all about? It's all about my life; my very own fairy tale, that I would love to share. This is my story, my ups and downs, it's a journey to remember.

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