A journey to remember

I Want to Take My Charm Back

Posted on: March 12, 2016

Kemarin malam, saat menunggu lift untuk turun ke lobi gedung, gue berpapasan dengan salah satu rekan kerja dari divisi lain. Dia menyapa dengan senyum lebar, gue hanya membalas dengan senyum tipis sambil berpikir keras di dalam diam, “Who is this guy?”

Kemudian di dalam lift, cowok ini dengan ramah bertanya soal kebiasaan gue pulang malam. Gue tidak memperhatikan, mengerutkan dahi, lalu dengan dingin membalas, “Sorry?”

Dia mengulang pertanyaannya, dia juga menambahkan, dia sering melihat gue di cafeteria kantor di saat jam makan malam (Lazada menyediakan makan malam prasmanan untuk karyawan yang bekerja lembur).

Lagi-lagi, gue cuma tersenyum tipis. Dan lagi-lagi, gue bingung sendiri. “Who is this guy? I’ve never seen him in the cafeteria.”

Begitu sampai lobi, gue tidak pakai berbasa-basi. Gue berjalan lurus menuju mobil yang sudah menunggu di depan gedung. Baru saat hendak membuka pintu mobil, gue terpikir untuk saying goodbye. Setidaknya, berbasa-basi untuk bilang, “Have a nice weekend!

Sayangnya, begitu gue berbalik badan, cowok itu sudah berjalan belok ke arah lain. And just like that, I really felt bad.

Kalau diingat-ingat lagi, dulu gue tidak begitu. Dalam situasi yang sama seperti malam kemarin, gue akan melambaikan tangan sambil tersenyum lebar sebelum masuk ke dalam mobil.

Selain itu dulu, gue selalu menjawab dengan senyum tulus, terkadang dengan lelucon, tiap kali ada teman sekantor yang menyapa, “How are you doing?” atau “How was your weekend?” Kalau sekarang? Cuma senyum tipis atau bahkan langsung to the point, “What’s up?” Tidak ada lagi basa-basi untuk sekedar balas menanyakan kabar mereka. Gue sempat beranggapan, semua itu cuma basa-basi ala orang bule yang sifatnya hanya buang-buang waktu. Padahal sebetulnya, apa salahnya sih? Dan apa susahnya sih, menjawab dengan ramah?

Kemudian dulu, gue termasuk sering chatting di Skype dengan teman-teman lintas divisi hanya untuk sekedar tertawa-tawa melepas stres. Bahkan dulu, gue juga sesekali menyempatkan makan siang atau malam dengan mereka ketimbang hanya terus-terusan berkumpul dengan tim gue sendiri.

Sesampainya di kosan tadi malam, gue melihat ke arah cermin yang terletak tidak jauh dari pintu masuk kamar kos. Dan sejujurnya, gue tidak menyukai pantulan yang gue lihat di cermin itu.

I looked defeated. I lost the bright shine on my eyes. I lost that pretty smile on my lips. All that I saw was a tired, stressed, sad, and disappointed face. I don’t know when it first started, but apparently, life has slowly taken my charm.

Pertanyaannya, kenapa bisa begini? Ada begitu banyak hal yang sungguh gue syukuri dalam hidup gue, tapi kenapa gue malah kehilangan positive vibe dari diri gue ini?

Bigger responsibility, of course. At the end of the day, there’s a price I’ve got to pay just to earn my job.

And the hopes that I put high on other people. Friends who didn’t seem comfort to be seen around me. Colleagues who turned against me. “The ally” who decided to give up the fight. And all people who made me lose my trust on them.

Is that all? No, there’s one more thing: my eyes tend to focus just to the prizes. 

Rasanya gue harus jujur mengakui, gue masih sering terlalu fokus untuk mengejar hal-hal yang belum gue miliki. Gue tidak bisa mengatasi rasa penasaran dalam diri gue sendiri. My obsession consumes me. My obsession has taken my charm away!

If I look back to the past year, I have forgotten that life was not only about winning. I forgot that I had to be happy with every little thing I do.  I forgot to smile everytime I had a chance. I forgot to give some more room for new people in my life. I forgot that people would not hurt me unless I let them.  All of that, all together, has made me lose the most attractive part of me: a happy face of mine.

I am happy with my life, but I still can be happier, once I used to be happier, and I only need to put more efforts to make it happen. Now I really want to take my charm back!

Have a nice weekend!

Advertisements

2 Responses to "I Want to Take My Charm Back"

hi,, i love ur post. very inspiring. thank u.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

My Blog Counter

  • 898,428 visits since May 2011

My Blog Categories

My Blog Archives

Click the pictures below to visit my Instagram...

The beauty of diversity. I'm glad that I met them along my career path at Lazada. Just a little help like this could mean everything to me and The Lens Story. Many thanks! ❤️
📷: @thelenstory 👚: @adidaswomen 👕: @nike 
#friends #friendshipgoals #diversity #photography #photooftheday #canon #snapseed #thelenstory Find someone who loves you properly.
The one who never intentionally let you wait for him.
The one who never makes you have to wonder how he truly feels about you.
The one who will definitely catch you and hold you tight as you fall for him.
The one who gives you all he has to be a better man, to fix what goes wrong, to fight for you and to never let you go.
You are too old for another Mr. Wrong, reward yourself with the right one.
Love yourself enough to leave your past, you deserve better.
📷: @thelenstory
💄: @yuficarolin.mua
👗: @calla.atelier
👠: @charleskeithofficial 
#love #life #quote #photography #photooftheday #thelenstory I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. I do the things I'm not proud of. I give up, sometimes. I hurt people, mostly the ones that I actually care about. I have a lot of flaws, but at least, I'm trying hard to be a better person. I'm no saint nor angel, but I'm not a pure evil either. I'm simply a human who is trying to be the very best that I can be. I'll never stop learning, until my very last breath.
📷 @thelenstory
💄 @yuficarolin.mua
👗 @calla.atelier
👠 @charleskeithofficial
#photooftheday #beauty #photography #quote #thelenstory

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

About Me

What my blog is all about? It's all about my life; my very own fairy tale, that I would love to share. This is my story, my ups and downs, it's a journey to remember.

%d bloggers like this: