A journey to remember

Well It Feels Like a Broken Heart

Posted on: April 19, 2014

Hari Kamis kemarin jadi hari terakhir gue kerja di Niro Group. Setelah 3 tahun kerja di perusahaan ini, akhirnya tiba waktunya buat gue memulai karier yang baru. Di hari terakhir gue itu, ada beberapa rekan kerja yang nanya sama gue, “Gimana rasanya kerja di hari terakhir?”

Pertanyaan itu selalu gue jawab dengan, “Yah, karena udah 1 month notice, sedihnya udah gue cicil, hehehe.”

Sebulan yang lalu, perasaan gue sedihnya luar biasa. Sedih karena tahu semua ini akan berlalu, sedih waktu mulai beres-beres ruangan gue di kantor, dan jadi tambah sedih karena ada beberapa teman, bahkan atasan, yang bilang sedih dengan resign-nya gue. Tapi memang benar juga… lama kelamaan, rasa sedih itu memudar dengan sendirinya. Gue udah lebih siap dengan perpisahan yang sudah stand by di depan mata. Ditambah lagi, gue udah ‘merayakan’ farewell party gue sampai empat kali sejak satu minggu sebelumnya. Empat farewell parties yang punya kesan tersendiri buat gue. Makanya saat gue sudah tiba di hari terakhir, gue benar-benar ngerasa tenang dan juga siap untuk saying goodbye.

Awalnya, everything was fine. Dari pagi sampe sore gue dan si bos bikin report bareng di ruang meeting. Sempet ambil foto yang posenya si bos bener-bener bikin ketawa banget deh. Sempet juga bercanda-canda dan memperdebatkan hal-hal yang nggak gitu penting. Pas jam makan siang, gue juga sempet foto-foto heboh bareng temen-temen cewek di kantor. Everything was just so normal, until my boss called me to his room to say goodbye…

Jadi ceritanya, sore itu si bos harus pulang lebih awal demi nganterin big boss dari Malaysia ke pameran Niro di JCC. Sebelum pulang, dia manggil gue ke ruangan dia buat saying goodbye. Sebetulnya, gue juga pengen ngomong beberapa hal sama dia, tapi yang ada gue cuma bisa diem aja! There was something I wanted to tell but I held it back. Entah karena nervous, entah karena gue lihat si bos sedang terburu-buru… atau emang dasar gue aja yang emang selalu canggung buat urusan beginian. Yang jelas sejak itu, mood gue langsung berantakan.

Suasana hati gue langsung muram, langsung berasa sedihnya, bahkan saat mobil gue mulai beranjak ninggalin kantor, mata gue mulai terasa panas dan nyaris aja meneteskan air mata. Trus yang paling gue nggak suka, hati gue beneran terasa agak sakit seolah ada sesuatu yang nusuk dari dalam… Gue juga jadi murung dan nggak nafsu makan sepanjang sisa hari itu, gue bahkan enggak nafsu makan Marugame udon kesukaan gue itu! Well… singkatnya, resign kali ini rasa sedihnya mirip-mirip kayak patah hati.

Gue masih ingat pertama kalinya gue bersedih sampe ngerasa ada yang sakit di dalam hati gue. Gue lupa kapan waktu persisnya, lupa pula apa yang jadi pemicunya, tapi satu yang pasti, gue pertama ngerasain itu waktu patah hati sama cinta monyet gue di SMA dulu. Saat itulah untuk pertama kalinya gue ngerti kenapa perasaan itu dikenal dengan istilah ‘patah hati’. Kenyataannya, emang terasa ada yang ‘patah’ di dalam hati gue ini.

Syukurlah kemarin pagi, keadaan jauh membaik dengan sendirinya. Sama seperti saat patah hati, rasa sedih gue selalu berkurang setiap paginya. Rasa sakit itu sudah hilang, dan gue mulai cukup menikmati liburan gue kemarin itu. Ada farewell ‘lanjutan’ mulai dari lunch, nonton, sampe dinner. I simply forgot all of the sorrow and enjoyed the day. Gue juga excited banget nemuin sling-back shoes Nine West yang diskon 10% pake CC BCA, hehehehe. Kemudian hari ini, gue juga kembali enjoy ngurusin bisnis kecil-kecilannya gue dan nyokap (kapan-kapan gue ceritain soal bisnis gue ini yaa).

Akhirnya pada saat gue nulis blog ini, gue tahu dengan sendirinya bahwa I will be fine, everything will be just fine. Of course I will miss Niro, I will miss my friends back there, I even will miss my ex-boss and all of his jokes, but I will be fine. Kalo mau dibandingin lagi sama patah hati jaman SMA itu, saat itu gue juga baik-baik aja kok. Gue langsung lupa sama si mantan gebetan saking sibuknya dengan kuliah gue. Sekarang ini gue bahkan udah enggak inget kapan terakhir kali gue ketemu sama si cowok itu… It was never as difficult as I thought it would be.

However… gue tidak mengharapkan hal yang sama antara gue dengan Niro. Gue enggak ingin putus kontak dengan teman-teman baik gue di sana (termasuk si mantan bos yang sudah gue anggap sebagai teman baik), gue enggak mau lantas lupa begitu saja dengan mereka semua hanya karena kesibukan di kantor baru, dan gue harap, mereka juga enggak akan begitu saja melupakan gue 🙂

Ya, resign dari Niro memang terasa seperti sedang patah hati, tapi gue enggak mau punya ending yang sama seperti saat gue beneran patah hati. Seperti yang gue tulis di farewell note; it’s not a goodbye, it’s until we meet again.

Thanks Niro for having me in these past three years… I will always remember you.

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It’s very important to feel content about our own life. No matter how hard we try, the truth is, we will NEVER get EVERYTHING we want to have in life. I want to have more curves, I want to have a pair of cheekbones and a chin like a supermodel, I want to be married at 30 years old, I want to be a Math expert, I want so many things in life and some of them are just some mission impossible. It’s true that I’m a go getter, but I simply have no time nor resource to pursue everything I want in life. There are some things that I need to live with it probably for the rest of my life. But you know what? I never regret any of that. I would rather count my blessings rather than feeling sorry for my imperfections. I’ve tried to make the very best of every day in my life, and for me, that is way more than enough. I’m happy just the way I am, and I’m thankful for everything I have, everything I don’t have, and everything that I will never have.
Be a better you, for you. Dress up, wear heels, put some make-up on, for you. Live in your dream, be awesome in what you do, especially for you. Learn from your mistakes, get back up from your downfalls, for you. Be kind, be compassionate, also for you. Make yourself proud for being the very best of you, not to please anyone else but you.
Every people has their very own insecurity. They have flaws, failures, they all once did a couple of things they are not proud of. They have one soul crushing events they wish to forget. Their life is not perfect and nor is mine. I am no different with any other person I know. If there’s one thing I do differently, that one thing that many people is reluctant to do, is that I forgive my past. I accept my flaws. I make peace with my guilts and failures. It’s all simply because there’s nothing I can do to change everything that has happened back in my past. What’s gone is gone, I can only decide what I would like to do on the days to come. Rather than drowning in miseries, I moved on. I’ve seen many people turned their problems to a nightmare. They made their worst moments in life even worse than it should be. They pointed fingers, they blamed random innocent people, they pushed people away, they ran off from reality, they did nothing useful for their own life. Some of them even made their personal problems as someone else’s problems for no particular reason. They let their insecurities hurt people who has nothing to do with their downfalls. My life is no better nor easier than anyone else, but at least, I’m trying so hard to make my own life a better place. If I can do it, and so can you!

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What my blog is all about? It's all about my life; my very own fairy tale, that I would love to share. This is my story, my ups and downs, it's a journey to remember.

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