I knew how much I cared about my nephew in my first out of town trip after he was born. Knowing that he was sick during my departure made me feel worried all the time. It felt like I wanted to go back home soon just to see that he was okay.
I knew how wonderful my best friends were after I realized how lousy other friends could be. Too bad that the terrible fight we had before made me couldn’t text them just to say hi. There were some times I really wanted to share the news about my life but I couldn’t. When I finally made up with them, it felt like a few parts of me were coming back.
I knew what a great boss that I used to have after knowing that other people might not do the same favors he did to me. It felt bad to realize that he had no obligation to be that good to me but he did. I’m happier with my new life now, I’m okay with my new boss, but frankly sometimes I think, “It would be different if it were him.”
Finally, most of the time, I knew that I loved somebody when they start missing from my life. In the worst scenario, it could happen when they left me for good. My life was falling apart, broken heart, and bla bla bla. But sometimes, it could also happen in such an unexpected time. If I feel bad knowing that he will leave just for a holiday trip for instance, at that moment I will know I have that one feeling for him.
Unfortunately, I’m not good on missing somebody. I hope I could just grab my phone and text them first. But all that I can do is mourning the long gone past or looking at the calendar and counting days if I know for sure they will still come back. That’s why I really hate missing somebody.
I hate wondering whether they’re also thinking of me. I hate wondering whether they will say hello to me first. I hate wondering whether something will change upon their return. I also hate knowing that I no longer have somebody to talk those stupid things, to laugh those hilarious jokes, to work things out together, or simply just to see them somewhere in my daily life. And for me, it’s not a pleasant thing to feel this way.
Do you know in French, you don’t really say “I miss you” when you actually miss somebody? They will say instead, “Tu me manques” which means “You are missing from me”. It sounds nice to me, and, it describes better how I feel about missing somebody. I miss them, simply because they are missing from my life. And I really really… want to have them back.