I’m currently feeling exhausted of holding on with certain people in my life. There are those people whom I always put as my priority, whom I always try to treat them as well as I could. And I really wish that they would at least, try to treat me as well as I always do. However in fact, many of the people I mentioned before no longer do me the favors in return.
Because in this life…
When I give my best to help someone, it doesn’t mean that later, they would help me back when I need their help.
When I try to make time for them in the middle of my hectic job, it doesn’t mean that they would also try to make time for me.
When I highly appreciate my relationship with somebody, it doesn’t mean they also think that their relationship with me is important.
When I always try to be a honest person, it doesn’t mean that they will never ever lie to me.
When I always be brave enough to make confession and apologize, it doesn’t mean that they will also try to make it up to me.
I’ve been wondering what makes things so tiring like this. It seems like no one else cares about it but me. Until today I realize… the problem is that I’m just too scare of loosing people in my life. Then the question popped up in my mind this morning… do they ever feel the same about me? Are they also scare of loosing me in their life?
So I think… I have overvalued certain people in my life. Beautiful past memories, or probably kindness they ever gave to me in the past, makes me think that they would be good for me forever. I keep believing that they are still the same person whom they used to be, and keep thinking that I shall do everything to keep them in my life.
Because if I talk about the present days… it still feels warm in my heart the times when they disappointed me. When they keep creating the new lies to back-up their previous lies. The times I was hanging on the phone, wishing someone to pick it up and give me a help on something. The times when they didn’t fulfill their promises to me, again and again. The times when they thought that it was okay to let me wait for them. And the times they acted like so hard to get, acted like I should beg for their presence.
I know that in life, every relationship must be up and down. But is it still worth keeping if they do not put an effort to be honest to you? If they only come to you when they’re bored? If they’re only here with you for fun but suddenly missing while you need a help? It’s funny how such a person like this doesn’t get ashamed of themselves.
Sometimes I’m tired of trying to be a good person. It feels like my time has been so much wasted helping someone who doesn’t deserve a hand. It might look like I put myself in a trouble right?
I’m not saying that I don’t want to be helpful anymore. Not either that I want to be a mean girl. I’m just considering to stop caring those wrong people too much. I shall be ready to let go, and to stop putting my hopes up like I used to be.
Today, as I have decided to let them go, it feels like I’m free. At least I was trying. So if later we’re apart to each other, they would have no right to blame me for this. I was trying, and now I give up.