Why Do I Love Him This Much?

I just read a very well written true story on other blogger’s website. That blogger wrote about one big revelation that made him want to say how much he loved his girlfriend at that time. It’s one sweet blog that touches your heart and makes you want to fall in love again. And it reminds me of the man I love.

I asked myself, “Why do I love him?”

He’s the first one whom I dropped the love word by the way. He’s not my first love but I never loved any other man as much and as deep my feelings for him.

The question now, “Why?”

I tried to recall every moment I shared with him in the past one year and unlike that other blogger I mentioned earlier, I can’t seem to find any revelation moment that made me fall deep for him. It’s more like an accumulation of small events that made me fall for him.

To name a few, I like it when he suddenly bought me a bottle of vitamin I might need to deal with my short term memory loss. Or when he walked somewhere to find me a pill to cure my headache.

I like it when he handed me his credit card when mine was blocked just one night before my Iceland trip. Other than that one particular favor, I like all the helps he gave to me without being asked.

I like it when he asked me what my doctor told me not to eat and he reminded me that I couldn’t eat those foods everytime I was tempted to taste them. He also used that knowledge to find a restaurant who sold food that I could eat everytime I was sick and was about to eat together with him.

I like it when he tried to convince me that he was fine when he was actually sick. He was in pain, but he told me, “You don’t need to worry. I’ll be fine.”

I also like his little surprises on my birthday end of last year. His little gestures counted to me. It was definitely a birthday I’ll never forget.

And not to mention, I like the way he listens to all my (long and sometimes boring) stories. I also like the way he trusts me with his stories (I know that some of them were hard for him to tell). His advices, supports, and also his jokes just never failed to make my days. There were some long nights with good talks that I’ll never forget.

I still remember that my shrink told me that I should have a reason to love someone. One reason that makes me hold into him when the things are going ugly between us. Yet again, I can’t seem to find just one big reason why I love him.

He’s patient but not always that patient. He’s nice and kind but he sure has his bad days too. He’s smart, very smart, but sometimes I know some things that he doesn’t. He cares about me, most of the times, but there were times he looked like he’s completely careless. He’s only a human after all, and I’m fine with all that.

I guess love is when you’re capable to see someone beyond their flaws. It’s when you love them even when they annoy you, hurt you, and disappoint you. It’s when you are willing to give them unlimited chances to fix the broken pieces, over and over again. It’s when you want nothing but the best for them, and when you put their happiness and wellbeing before yours.

And that’s how much I love him.

I’m not very good at consistently showing him how much I care about him, but it doesn’t mean I take him for granted. There were times I was too afraid to let my feelings showed. But again, it doesn’t diminish how I truly feel about him. He may doubt anything and everything in his life, but he should never doubt my feelings for him.

I love him because of who he is, and that my friend, the reason why I love him this much.

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